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A Fragmented Journey Of Existence

March 21, 2013

Three

 

For over twenty years I worked away quietly, steadily and happily with a kind of slow cumulative development. It was a period of contentment where I felt I was fulfilling my potential and then about five years ago things changed on a personal level and on a wider level that sparked a reappraisal of my life and work. It was like my bubble had burst and I had no option other than go in search for reasons to continue beyond habit.

crushing
It led to an awakening and a kind of odyssey which coincided with my acceptance of the social networking phenomena. The social networking part where I share my thoughts and ideas quite openly, has liberated me as an artist because by slowly finding the courage to share my thoughts it has given me a lot more confidence. I don’t mind being judged openly now and through occasional provocation I deserve it. The fact that money and product are not part of my activity on facebook and wordpress has allowed me (at times) to connect with ideas that are purely based on artistic expression. Which I believe is improving my artistic output greatly and giving me the freedom that I really need. The act of expressing my thoughts through writing has also been a revelation and I almost feel that I am starting to become articulate but more importantly I am understanding my position in a more coherent way and taking myself a lot more seriously. I have had one or two strong reactions and questions about my welfare which has tested out my metal because being accepted is nice but I’m afraid strong reactions to your work is far better because it means you are moving people and though it may appear negative at times, art is there to make you think. 😉

Life cycle

As I started out on my open mission I really didn’t know how far I would travel or where I would end up and it’s been too enjoyable and fulfilling to put a stop to it and get back to the grind stone. So in that way it’s a fresh start and it’s good to think that I can just follow a hunch now because I have an inkling of an idea that could lead to reward or failure but at the very least offers an experience and of course knowledge. In one way I think I have spent my whole life trying to find the space to be me so that I could enjoy a meaningful life and I now feel closer to it than ever. Though fundamentally I realise that my obstacles were self imposed as a reactive defence and I know we all suffer from them to some extent, but as each one is overcome there is a feeling of satisfaction as you move forward. So I have changed I’ve altered my direction and am moving forward in a new way, I bring all my skills and knowledge but move forward as openly and honestly as possible but with a renewed belief in my ideas and concepts, it’s the biggest hurdle I’ve come to and I’m nearly over it. The bottom line is that if we believe in ourselves then others will and finally after all these years I really do believe in my work and ideas. The battle to get to this point has been hard fought over the last thirty years, I just wonder if the next thirty will be as difficult. 😉

 

Battersea3

 

horsetower2

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