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New Pastures

April 10, 2013

horsetower2

I have started to enjoy writing in the moment like now I ‘ve no idea what I am about to write but I know something will appear. Or at least I hope it will  🙂

Bronze~Salootay

My recent thoughts have drifted to how I feel on the cusp of change as my energies and belief are returning  and I know I have to focus my work towards making a living. But it’s really dawned upon me that I have been living under a dark cloud in many ways and that I really need to push forward in a positive way and lift the weight of burden that I feel. Again all these thoughts have been triggered by chance through conversations and postings in the virtual. An article on depression alerted me to certain feelings that I have experienced over the last few years and a message from a contact about working on larger projects reminded me that I have closed my mind to such work in a relatively defeatist way, it’s like I’ve let the artist’s constant struggle wear me down. In some ways everything is ok but it could be better,  the continuing  interactions serve to point me in new directions and  I need to take heed and start  rebuilding a bit of ambition.Whilst I’m probably going through one of my most interesting creative phases, there is a little bit of siege mentality where I almost don’t want to make a product to put out there for exhibition, this is partly about protecting the creative flow and partly a great feeling of mistrust and loss of faith in the art world. But sometimes you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone in all areas of your life if you want things to happen and I do want things to happen or at least have the hope and belief that they will. And in talking to a fellow artist today I was aware how a new perspective is taking shape in my life, a balance where once again I’m finding the space to accept the realities of the art world and an  acceptance of commerce even if I feel uncomfortable about it.  In our conversation she pointed out how she had come to look at money more like an energy and as the necessary replacement for trading in products, it’s an interesting area that I need to reflect on. But we also spoke of values and integrity and the truth of expression through art, the very core of what being an artist is and how you have to fight against the fashions and expectations to realise your vision, conversations like this mean a lot to me.

3into2

I was chatting to a poet the other day, a man I respect very much who is a very deep thinker and we spoke of our recent experiences. I told him about my time kind of lost in the wilderness and he reassured me that when you return (metaphorically) everything is still there in the same place waiting for you to return and move on and I have to agree. Yet these forays into the unknown and out on a limb are a vital part of the creative process where you make discoveries and gather experience. Having reflected on our long conversation I very much feel that I am still returning to that place but need to speed up the process as I still feel a bit burdened with life’s demands, though getting that balance of going with the flow and pushing yourself comes down to an intuitive response that I find hard to judge.

egon7

Then today I was contacted by a friend about the possibility of an exhibition overseas which is a very exiting prospect and a little bit scary too though it’s just the challenge that I need to give me that extra impetus to move forward. I think it would really be my first true solo exhibition (not literally) in a sense and would mark the change in direction my art is taking. So I very much feel like I’m still in the process of change as my story unfolds into a new direction and it’s not just my story because it’s laced and bound together with the stories of other people who make it all the more special.

No9

 

Since I have opened up my reclusive studio life it has been like opening the door  letting the sunshine in and taking in a fresh breath of air, in short it’s been the magical ingredient that was lacking in my work. I  really appreciate all those who have taken an interest and continue to do so because it has added to my work by encouraging and guiding me in my efforts. Probably the biggest lesson that I have learned is about listening to others because art isn’t just about the work of one person in isolation and the feeling of community, virtual and global is of great comfort and relevance. I only hope that I reciprocate in some way and add to other people’s lives as they do mine.

No14

3 Comments
  1. Nancy Newberg permalink

    Since I have opened up my very reclusive life to share with special people , I am remind of when I was a very young girl and all I wanted to do at that time as far as money goes was earn as much as possible so when Christmas time came I would have enough of money to buy everyone a present. It would never fail here came my second older by 4 years brother sobbing he had no money and could he borrow some from me, like a loving fool and caring sister I gave him some at least half . My very much older brother, older than the borrower paid me 50 cents a week to make his bed, a family requirement. I was so happy to do that for him, plus I loved him more than life. We would go on to be life long friends and the love could never be measured.When he died a part of me died . So my point is at a very young age money became a tool to me, to get me where I was going, I always had something going on in my creative life, however always put others first . Much like a man would support his family I always wanted to contribute to the family. I never wanted to be rich, but always wanted to in rich others in my own way . Many mis understood me, and still do how ever I hold the many keys to happiness,
    Some are resentful of me, especially the brother who borrowed at Christmas time, we are all old and retired now and he still does not understand me, One must realize only certain people really care about you, because they really only care about themselves. Inside we know who like ? love / respect us those are the ones I care to associate with, the others I tolerate with a big smile.

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    • Hi Nancy, very interesting, the idea about people caring because they care about themselves is so true and I’ve never really thought about it like that, but now I will. With money I understand those points and in my own life at one stage when I was more affluent my abiding memory was taking my mother out for a meal and being able to pay the bill 🙂 Eoghan Ps I will get on with the horse head soon but the kids are on holiday so I still haven’t finished the devils

      Like

      • Nancy Newberg permalink

        I know you will be busy with the children’s holiday and your projects, I am not in a hurry for my horse. Take as much time as you need, perhaps many wonderful things will come along and you will be so joyful and busy I shall have to wait. That will be OK with me also…Warm regards, Nancy

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