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It’s Not Easy Being Me

April 26, 2013

sacrifice1

Sometimes I wake up with a start and become full of apprehension as I realise I will have to go back into my studio to reproduce countless editions of my sculpture to make a living. Over the years I have had to make thousands of ceramic sculptures, I never cut corners and to be honest the work absorbs all my energies and leaves nothing for the development of new work. It’s like a curse that eats away at me continually, the dark cloud that follows my every move, I don’t mind making everything once but there is a lot more to me than being an effective production line. So here I am again wrestling with my dilemma as the frustrations build and all I can do is calmly work through it all and accept the compromise that is suffocating my creativity.

How Many Times

I’m trying to remain positive and work a way through but on every front I feel compromised, I work in a small studio on a limited budget and just can’t get that little bit of support I need to lift me out of my situation, which is why I sometimes err towards negative out bursts. It’s a strange life because I have worked hard at my sculpture and have total belief in what I do, I think my work stands alongside any others as a relevant contribution yet the art world offers me absolutely nothing beyond a pittance that holds me in my place. When I can ever be bothered to apply for anything it is always met with a flat rejection or ignored and yet for some reason this never averts my direction, I just keep on keeping on.
a fine line

 

So what if I get a little pissed off and angry at times and I do but right now I’m trying to channel all my energies into a positive way forward. Today the sun finally  shone after the bleakest longest winter I can remember and I realise I have a lot to feel good about and that you have to fight for what you want and make it happen and that is what I shall do. I feel a level of satisfaction with what I perceive to be my oeuvre and feel it is evolving rapidly into a relevant contemporary expression and I also know that I am going to have to keep on pushing forward and start developing the work on a larger scale. But it is the thriving on the immense challenges ahead to realise my vision that I will constantly have to work on and it is here that my frustrations, anger and determination will be tested. My work means too much to me not to push it that extra mile and it’s not vanity or ego that drives me,  my life has been dedicated to art and I was always just happy to quietly make sculptures  but that has led me into a corner and as I continue to fight my way out led by my work I will do my utmost to find a way of getting my work to a wider audience and some recognition.

true blue

One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned over the past year is not to rest on your laurels and bask in former glories but to push on relentlessly, it’s quite simple really: watch where you’re going, not where you’ve been.

 

connections1

2 Comments
  1. Nancy Newberg permalink

    I can relate to everything you say, it is a realistic time in life where it seems you need to have help to re produce your past works and sell them or place them outside so as to make a living, you have grown to a point you need help yet you have been the total manager of your business and that is what you must face you are in business and you don’t want to be because that is too time consuming and it uses up your talents . Something will come along to change things, what a person has to do is except change and adjust to it. This will free up your creative juices and let you work on new projects. Perhaps its time to consider a partner ?
    Having said that I am glad the sun has found its way to your part of the world, as today was our first above 60′ full sunshine too. We have spring at last, snow is nearly gone after 6 full months of cold and chill and clouds, I think we will once again survive to become a new person ???

    Like

    • Hi Nancy, you summed it up beautifully and I am getting there by focusing my energies in a positive way 🙂 It’s been a long and grey winter here and lots of people I know have a bit of the black dog over them. Though your winter sounds like it’s been even tougher but out of it I’m sure we’ll rise stronger.
      That picture on your facebook of the woman in white with the chickens is a stunning photograph, quite beautiful.
      Have a wonderful day Nancy Eoghan

      Like

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