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On being a pissed off being and looking for a cure

June 18, 2013

Synchronicity

Disconnected

I was bought a book on ice age art for father’s day an area of art history that fascinates me because I have always felt an absolute connection with prehistoric art, you feel it when you work with natural materials, no different to the practice of thirty thousand years ago. The beautiful work demonstates a great sophistication from our cave dwelling ancestors and I was astonished to see familiar forms and concepts that are present in my own work and thinking and these images are already inspiring an area of my work that I felt quite stuck with and to which I couldn’t find a way forward. I find it difficult to articulate my sense of connectivity to ancient art with words because it’s a primeval feeling of being connected to the earth, when you handle clay you are drawn into a different pace of being and this is never more apparent than when you work with a class of children as they fall under the spell of clay and the atmosphere changes as people relax and find their way of expression through the material. So it’s for the fundamental reasons of creativity that I’m drawn to traditional sculpture where I can enjoy expressing myself in a more  pure primeval way and find comfort in feeling a connection with my life and the earth. That may sound a little weird but what more could you want than feeling at one with yourself and the earth in an uncomplicated harmony. So that ‘s what I crave but my reality is different I live in an industrialised world that is plain and simply detached from that reality, a world built on exploitation and disconnection from consequences. For instance I’ve just had a run out in the country and whilst running back through my local town I passed a gym where people are running on machines with earphones on and screens in front of them breathing in air-conditioned air removed from the reality of their planetary conditions apart from gravity of course. Now I could go on exploring this dichotomy indefinitely but it will only get me more pissed off, so will suffice to say that there is a reality based on disconnection from the physicalities of existence and a reality base on a connection to the earth and the spiritual sense of being and I feel like I have a foot in both camps almost being forced to do the splits. In my work I seek a high level of contemplation in which to celebrate my gift of life and then I put my work into the market place of a disconnected elite (the profiteers of a hierarchical society), who’s elevated status is based on a capacity to accumulate resources and it’s for this reason that I’ve always kept my prices as low as possible because art should not be elitist. So there are times when all this duality becomes unbearable as you are pulled apart by these mounting pressures, people around you lose interest in your struggles through familiarity and you find yourself alone and dealing with a profound discontent that’s not even tangible to many people but fundamental to your own wellbeing. My son was asking me about art and why people take an interest in mine the other day and I was trying to tell him why and the aspect I focused on  was that through art you can feel a connectivity that helps you find yourself  or helps you take a fresh look at life, I suppose a good way of looking at it may be as a connecting strand for the disconnected (those too busy to reflect). Although that’s just one simplistic take and art can be looked at in many different ways by each individual who in turn will have their unique engagement with the piece. I think what I love so much about art is that there are no absolutes and my writing is just a theoretical analysis of my own observations, feelings and reflections of my reality, a personal account of my process which maybe resonates with some more than others.

Dance1

And here’s the pissed off bit, because  no matter how much I work or write or exercise myself half to death I just can’t chase away that feeling of being fundamentally pissed off.  I’ve always been a bit laid back and don’t take the shit of life to seriously, getting on doing what I do regardless untill about two years ago when for some reason the pressure ratcheted up. People around me started to get at me much more to a point where I couldn’t bounce back anymore with a smile because my congenial happy-go-lucky ways where meeting stiff challenges and the feeling of being caged up in an ever decreasing world was upon me. It’s not the easiest option being an artist and when pressure is heaped upon you from all angles joy becomes a forbidden place as you retreat into your work. If I were to describe my current situation through metaphor it would probably be by comparing myself to a perished rubber band stretched to the max  and snapped. Though I still always love life I struggle with society and probably always will. I guess my issue with society is that there just isn’t a comfortable place for me to fit in with my values intact and that I not only face a struggle with my work but another struggle with where to place it and I really don’t give a stuff about that aspect anymore. And that means I just have to continue working like I am untill something changes or untill I mellow once more or decide that commercialism is everything and aspire to driving a Porsche and exploring my shallow depths. But for now with each step I take with my work or writing I do feel to be inching forward with a greater understanding of my plight and finding the true path out of it which I feel can only be achieved through the construction of satisfying sculpture (the realisation of my lifes only aspiration). I guess it takes time to find your way when you get lost because there are no simple fixes to complicated problems which is difficult to understand in this  glorious age of convenience. I do know that I’ve retreated significantly over the last couple of years and must slowly bring myself back into the world both on a personal level and with my art too. But only when I’m ready because time for reflection is essential to the process of art if you are going to touch on profound thoughts and concepts built on secure foundations.

fusion

7 Comments
  1. Nancy Newberg permalink

    In reading your post I always can relate, such a twenty some years ago my reaching into my past ancestors with inside of myself my genes and my draw to my own feelings I was not surprised when you mention very old art because I to back then was drawn to The dawn of Man, I was in the antique old junk when I bought a set of Millennial Masterpiece Collection which is produced in an edition strictly limited to 10,000 units and crafted to the exactins.. They are exact replica of cave man art. I had forgotten about them until you mentioned it in your post, these are very nice placks I think 6 of them and to look at them is awesome to know that cavemen or women drew this art upon the walls to be found maybe 10 thousand years later to hang on our walls now ? So my point is in talking to you Eoghan is some of us and perhaps all of us have this very old gene in us from our past and it is no wonder to me how after we grow up some of us return to the past in some form or another, some of us meaning myself have or are born with a old sole or a return to the past.
    I know we are humans but I have always found we are similar to all animals in meaning some animals mate up for life and some wander from herd to herd ( example)
    ANGER is a normal feeling and gene we have for it is our survival, for man it is to provide and protect for woman it is to gather and nourish so we are always pissed off ( angry) There will come a day when you wont be as angry but only as more time goes by and you see being madd,pissed off robs you away from your work and family and depletes your energy’s, but it is necessary to keep the fight with in yourself, but chooses your battles and wars carefully.
    Some live reclusive and talk to very few humans and are at total peace with what they do, some are social and need people, its just the nature of the beast and which one you are?? Its normal to live with in your own world and take a occasional trip outside, I do that if you want to talk to me do not call for I will not answer for days, but if you send a email or snail mail you get to me faster thats just the way I am.. With out a doubt Eoghan I speak to you more than my own family, WHY?? Because I am convinced OLD SOLES SPEAK 🙂 Have a great day my friend and do not ware yourself with worry or anger, for you my friend are OK, Use Anger as a TOOL…. NANCY 🙂

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    • Thanks Nancy, I always look forward to your honest comments and enjoy your take, I love the idea of old souls meeting and believe these interactions to be important for many reasons, they offer guidance, companionship and the reassurance of connection. I do look after myself and always try to channel all my energies into good and positive outcomes. Take care Nancy Your good friend Eoghan 😉

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  2. universalpeacepipedreamer permalink

    Great post, I can totally relate to every word. I have a great affinity for the cave artist. I see the Venus’s and other cave dweller carvings and I know how long it takes to make something like that, I also know that when creating art like that you find yourself in a deep contemplative state, I wonder about the mysteries of the cosmos. I know that it had to be the same for those cave artist. It’s a comfortable place to get lost in. I imagine that there must have been different stressors in there lives than ours, but there is no purer a release for me than through art. I am at the same place with my art, where does it belong, where to go from here.
    I have done a lot of reflecting and soul searching, and it is really hard for me to look at some things objectively and not get pissed off. It is a stressful venture, being an artist and giving your all to it.
    I let it get the best of me, to the point of, it affecting my physical well being. I have been reading this lady Alice Miller, and that’s been some help in the reflections department. I got to ask you to look up adrenal fatigue symptoms.
    I really like your art work, and your writing, I have a hard time expressing myself in words, it’s good to find someone who’s able to say what I am unable to. Peace and Love J.A.M.

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    • Thanks for your interesting comment and I will look upadrenaline fatigue symptons. I never used to write much untill recently and then I changed and thought just express yourself in every possible way and now I write, draw again, still make sculpture and also keep myself fit so that I can do the best I can with my life and art. I’m sorry to hear your struggle has affected you physically and wish you all the best with your journey, Eoghan

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      • universalpeacepipedreamer permalink

        Thanks, I got to look at whatever it is life throws my way, as another tool. I got to check out your youtube presentation, that was awesome ! Really powerful and timeless. I really like the effect the lighting has and the music was a perfect match. Really potent medicine ! Thanks for sharing the link. Peace J.A.M.

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  3. universalpeacepipedreamer permalink

    Hi, again, I just really related to what you were saying and am going through a lot of the same feelings, I hope you don’t mind, I wanted to share with you this ladies blog, I have found it very helpful. http://kundalinidotorg.wordpress.com/surviving-kundalini-crisis/ Peace J.A.M.

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    • Thanks, that was very interesting indeed, last year I worked on an idea called soul~fields which was all about an awakening and quite a phenomenal experience. http://youtu.be/KvT_JKdHAwA Here’s the link to my youtube presentation of the piece which you may find interesting 🙂 Eoghan

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