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I’m back on my perch

July 31, 2013

THINKER

 I’ve become locked into a creative phase that has now been going on for nearly two years; it’s quite addictive because there is a continual developmental arc as each piece of work leads into another train of thought. At times you get lost in an endless sea of ideas that you have to work through and as you do you find a great clarity of purpose that allows you to move forward. I feel that I have learned so much in this period on many levels and released myself from the limitations and expectations that held me in limbo. When I started this process I was at the end of my tether and very much out of love with art, in fact I would say I had grown to hate it because I blamed it for destroying my happiness and soul, leaving me with a feeling of being washed up. At first I deconstructed my work which was really symbolic of my own reflection/introspection, looking inside and even using light to illuminate my troubles. The process was a revelation to me as work of an unexpected nature started to flow in an outpouring of deeply soulful sculpture. I called that series of work soul~fields and through this work I found the courage to express myself with total freedom because I had no choice, I think it was my only chance or way of healing the damage from living with silent grief and reconnecting with my lifes passion. For the first time I truly started to live in the moment unafraid of what would appear and what people would think of me, because I felt the work deep inside, it was me and I had no choice but to express every last drop of emotion. After working on about seventy (deconstructed) female figures my work started to evolve into other areas as my curiosity spread I felt compelled to write about my feelings and draw and play around with random ideas. In the end I became quite articulate (lol) and my drawing improved immeasurably as my journey had highlighted so many inhibiting factors that dogged my creativity. By writing freely (as I am now) I felt even more connected with who and what I am and unafraid to say anything at all and really why should we (or I) feel inhibited anyway. I feel now that through this period I found the key to unlock the prison of my own making and set myself free as an artist with something to say.  I’ve also learned many lessons and seen through so many constructs of society that have a deep effect on creativity, how we are engrained by tradition, rules, expectations and how through insecurity we (I) seek acceptance. Which led me to discover or isolate what I feel art actually is and how to produce it free from the constraint of others or unrealistic self-imposed expectations. In my opinion the arts establishment has a lot to answer to when it comes down to its role in the dictating and shaping of art particularly over the last hundred years or so and how the art market creates false values and reputations to protect the investments and uphold the status quo. I do believe it is good to approach life with your eyes open and understand the world you live in as much as possible and being an artist often leads to greater truths but we seldom talk about them.

But for now with my work I’ve reached a stage where I’ve reconnected with my life’s artistic journey the wounds are healing and I can take my work to a higher level because I believe I can and I have the energy to do so. But how it will fair outside of my studio and in the real world is a mystery I still live in hope that one day someone will commission some large and interesting horse and riders and that maybe one day I will find someone interested in producing a book of my drawings (because people keep telling me they would like one). All I can do is keep working and believing in myself and what I do, though recently through a Facebook page where I’ve been posting my work, I’ve been treated  to a most positive and overwhelming response to my work that has lifted my spirits and belief immensely.

haydoquote

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