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Writing and drawing it must be Sunday morning

September 29, 2013

sunday fucking morning

There is a sense of rebellion and anarchy in me that is so strong at times I find it hard to control. I’m sure it’s a reaction to the controlling forces of societal existence and the compromises you have to live with. But if the compromises aren’t founded on robust reasoning you can be forced into positions that are so contrary to your values that you can lose your direction. In my own case the feelings that well up inside me are just my own way of fighting back and gradually assuming my true position as an artist. Or at least that’s how it feels, just my way of fighting back and taking control of my creative output.
I feel that I’ve come a long way in terms of being where I should be, but there is much to do. I’m also aware of it all just being my personal journey too so that after each hurdle there is always another and another if you are lucky. So in one way it’s about learning to thrive and face the constant challenge of life in a positive and meaningful way. I’m sure that the challenges artists face are just the same as everyone, the only difference is that with art you feel duty bound to explore them as part of your search for a true meaning and purpose and that is why compromise hurts so much because it throws you off course. I often compare compromise to fracking where a tiny grain of sand can release so much force that it can cause an earth quake and in my life I feel I’ve been fracked by more than one grain of sand.
I know from my own experiences in life that some people can find artists irritating because of the precious and sensitive nature, but ultimately art relies on great subtlety that is almost ephemeral in nature and so hard to grasp with clumsy hands. In conversation people often tell me that compromise is needed but I’m reaching the conclusion in art that it’s a curse and with compromise you will always end up with diluted art. Diluted art may be alright for some people but it’s not what I aspire to or see as an outcome to a successful life in art.
I was having some fun writing on a sketch earlier and one of the things I wrote felt a little poignant for me because it demonstrated what I search for and that there is no real goal just a search for knowledge and understanding: Sometimes I feel the endlessness of an open horizon, it’s what I’m searching for but when I take a glimpse at it I struggle with the very nature of its infinite possibility.

good bye

hello good bye

absoluters

Hot to Trot

The experience of life teaches so much and no matter how much you think you know, there are many unexpected twists and turns. Choices have to be made too and what you base these decisions on are for me quite a challenge because there is seldom an absolute way.
With my art I’m slowly feeling my way forward with new objectives based on a considerable reflection of past experience and the direction has changed. It had to change to allow my experience to count in a constructive way, my way, unique to my lifes experience though not dissimilar to anyone elses journey. Because whilst we are very different creatures individually I believe we are also remarkably similar too.
The biggest change in my life is that I feel that I’ve no reason to prove anything to anyone to earn a status, which has set me free to follow my own path and produce the work I truly believe in. The insecurities of youth have passed and I’m done with jumping through hoops and towing the line in an effort to fit in some place where I don’t want to be.
By nature I enjoy making accessible art because I believe art is for everybody, but I also feel that I have to make art that I truly believe in even though that can at times be slightly unpredictable. In a way I’ve always felt that I’m predictably unpredictable and have always liked to throw an odd surprise into the mix.
I can say that I’ve never enjoyed my art as much as I have over the past two years and hope to continue in this vein because it feel just right and so exciting. To not know what you are doing from day to day is great for me, yet to feel assured that you will do something creative and fulfilling in some way feels right.

Working it out

Bridge style

Sometimes I wonder where the spirit of eternal optimism comes from, because in a life that brings so much frustration I somehow always manage to look just enough to the bright side to continue. If I was realistic about my life in art the false dawns of hope would have shattered my illusions by now. In a way it’s all about bounce-back-ability, I remember my father once being disturbed about a rather prophetic dream he had of me as a child in which I was a rubber ball. That dream has come to symbolise an aspect of my approach to life and it makes me smile when I think about it and also question why I remember it.
I’ve digressed because I wanted to write about drawing and sculpture, to explain why I’ve been drawing in the manner that I have. I recently saw some drawings by a sculptor in an exhibition that were more about filling a frame and being easy on the eye in a decorative producty type of way. It led me to thinking about the purpose of drawing and I settled on the idea that it’s all about an exploration of ideas in a free-flowing way. So it’s with this approach that I enter into the process, a test bed for ideas and concepts where the drawing is a by-product of a genuine study. It is this approach, regardless of outcome and expectation that is liberating my whole artistic direction and showing me a way forward, where my art feels to be coming from the right place.

 

Curious Juxtaposition

I draw therefore I am 🙂

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