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Out Of My Chaos

November 19, 2013

n068 out of chaos

 

Sometimes my life feels so frustrating I feel like a lizard thrashing around in a hot tin (LOL) then amidst the utter chaos of it all you experience beautiful moments where you feel alive and full of wonder. I don’t know why, but I like to share some moments because I feel they’re special and a big part of the reward of making art. Such as earlier today I was listening to some lovely piano and violin music whilst working and the peace and solitude whilst being so full of ideas was so uplifting that it made my whole body tingle. It takes you out of the discomfort of your own reality and into the heart of your creative being which can be a place of great freedom. It makes me feel happy that art is my life and I try to enjoy the whole experience, even if I do moan sometimes, well quite a lot actually. But this special moment was in the midst of a really trying day where I felt exhausted and absolutely at the end of my tether with all the baggage of my life tumbling down on me.
In a way it’s the baggage of life that made me want to write now, because through the process of artistic expression there is a constant analysis of self that is quite a difficult part of the process, like a deconstruction of self. But such analysis is an essential ingredient in art and sometimes it leaves you feeling stripped by what can only be described as a forensic introspection. In my own case it’s unavoidable because when I work my mind flows with greater freedom in what is probably a free-flowing of consciousness like when you write freely. So my thoughts are not so much contrived, but free and where the source of that is I do not know, but I just accept that it is the core of what and who I am. Like with so many questions there are no answers only thoughts about the possibilities, but given the choice I like to explore beyond the edge, because Art allows you to venture into the unknown. In my recent experiences I’ve found out more about myself and just when I really think I know who I am I uncover more, not always profound discoveries, but issues I must deal with in my pursuit of greater transparency and a search for inner peace.
It’s not surprising that artists become tempestuous and moody creatures as they wrestle with all their thoughts and try to produce work to fit into an acceptable package for the market place. If you’re not agitated by it all then you’re not trying hard enough
If you look at a finished sculpture in a studio it is usually surrounded by the dust and mess from which it was created and that is a perfect metaphor for the concept of creativity, or at least how I see it.

life long love

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