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Blog No300 and I’m back in the Game

December 5, 2013

57bExploding into Life

I can’t even begin to describe the frustrations that rendered me into a shadow of my former self but let it be said that it took a full 300 blog posts to revive the artist within. I do feel this post is a significant one for me because it signifies the end of a struggle that has tormented me for years with what felt like unbearable and unresolvable issues that were ruining my life as an artist.



When I started blogging a couple of years ago I never envisaged  writing 300 blogs, I knew I had a bit of ground to make up on years of silence, but am surprised where it has led. I was never a man for words because I always felt that my true voice was sculpture where I found an unlimited depth for expression. However my art and life had hit an immovable obstacle that I couldn’t resolve with sculpture alone, so I began to write, draw more and sculpt less. Through my sculpture I set about a deconstruction of self and through my drawing I opened a door into  a concentrated study of self exploration and with writing I tried to contextualise my experience.

Dec 2013

For much of the time I’ve been quite lost and open to experience, the problems I faced as an artist and a discontented being slowly materialised often through conversations and through what appeared in my work. While it’s been the most challenging period of my life it has also been the most defining and what I’ve learned could only have been gained through a tremendous struggle. On a human level I’ve been stripped bare and exposed mainly to myself but have shared this in my writings because I felt that it’s an important journey that art takes you on. I feel I’ve gained a wisdom that is personal to me, an understanding of who I am both in the material world and on a spiritual level too, through my vulnerability I’ve found great strength to be as I feel I should and have shaken away the destructive elements that rained down the burden upon me. Now I can work as an artist without compromise because I have the courage to explore all that I feel is necessary to express myself in an open and transparent manner. Art in my opinion benefits from honesty and truth, no bullshit art from within the force of human creativity.

no58Enless Production

As an artist you can be an observer often with great empathy, but you sit in the side lines, not part of the great race and this is a vulnerable position because if you don’t assert yourself with the more basic human ways of being you can become downtrodden. There are no absolutes to art and it can be hard to stand behind your creative gestures with assertiveness that the modern brash world expects. What I’m saying is you have to toughen up to defend who you are and what you do, forgive all those who disrespected you and walk on with your head held high. Though I find it very hard to forgive and in a way I do this by being thankful that their treatment woke something up inside of me that inspired me to react and make changes that helped me move forward. (I had to be honest there)

HellToo right Babe

In my own life and career I’ve led an isolated existence with little credit for my work and no real validation from external sources and this has taken a heavy toll because I have such a strong commitment to my thoughts and ideas as an artist yet no one else does. It tests your belief and will to continue a struggle against the odds in a world that has no real comfortable place for your efforts. This issue has also been paramount to my overcoming the obstacles because I’ve grown to expect or desire nothing from the art world instead my ambition lies purely in the development of my work and ideas much of which is now drawing with an occasional small sculpture. This is my reality and my dream, the vanity, aspirations and ambition have diminished into meaninglessness as I get close to realising my creative potential. From a young age I discovered that nothing in life could match the experience of creating art, the satisfaction is deep and soulful and transcends all that could be labelled as superficial and in my own life I would like to feel this more and more instead of the insidious pressures of meaninglessness.

trypWho am I?

I feel my process has been about growing up as an artist, I have nothing to prove or show off about because I can do the technical stuff as well as anyone else. So it’s been a mid-career pause in which I’ve been able to re-evaluate my life and approach to art, a stop in which I was able to jump off the conveyor belt of endless production and find myself. I knew there were greater depths to me, but my circumstances were denying me the opportunity to explore, ultimately I’m the author of my own destiny so I took it upon myself to assert my will in realising who and what I am.

Sometimes I Feel Like ThisSet me Free

It’s the application of art into the context of the art world that is at the root of what I have felt to be the most destructive and disruptive force upon me and how conformity to this world has been used to apply pressures upon me from all directions. While this started off in a small way like the process of fracking, it builds and builds untill it overwhelms you. I will try to explain the pressure in a simple way, I make a sculpture that I feel proud of and deliver it to a gallery and here the process of judgements start, will it sell, will the gallery owner even show it, how will the public recieve it etc, so on this simple expression a weight builds and the outcomes feed back into your work and the pressures begin. You have to earn money and please all the relevant parties who then become your judge and jury, at times you feel like your work becomes a stick by which the world beats you. In my own life it opened up insecurities and at one point I became consumed by the guiding principles of commerce and there is a sad truth to all this as many artists become bound to a conveyer belt of producing mediocre work for the market place. But in a life of art when you fight to maintain your integrity, you become an expert, you know your craft, you understand the process of creativity from a profound philosophical stand point and you can no longer subject yourself to the pressures of what in a way are the paymasters or controlling forces. This is where I’m at now, standing up for the first time and doing what I believe is right with conviction, alone and with no backing what so ever. It is just my modest attempt to live what I feel is a worthy life as an artist with a purpose that I truly believe in and with no regrets.

Oh what a tangled web

The most important lesson that I’ve learnt from my blog is that there is no good reason why I should feel locked into  silence ever again


The Puppet Walks Free


Have a nice day 🙂

One Comment
  1. Anonymous permalink

    I have always enjoyed your blogs and images of your sculpture,always food for thought,self reflection and. of interest to me.thanks for sharing.


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