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December 23, 2013


Sometimes I feel that my art becomes a search for a meaning to my life, a way of asking those difficult questions in the vain hope that I’ll find fragments of knowledge that will satisfy my curiosity and give meaning. The truth of art often exposes an aspect of life and society that is a pure construct for the convenience of living together, it requires a significant compromise and by conforming to the rules laid out before me I feel compromised with my work. It results in an unbearable feeling of futility that makes me feel my art is meaningless and I desperately want something more from a life spent immersed in art. So I search for something tangible that feels real and genuine to the core of my being and it’s not an easy task, I require something unique to my purpose and there are no set rules. I need a bespoke purpose and direction that will validate a life spent in art so that I can feel a level of personal satisfaction and achievement.
At the moment I play around more with random ideas and scribbles looking for something that I feel is there, yet I don’t know what it is, though I feel it doesn’t lie within the bounds of conscious contrivement. It’s like I feel I will have to stumble upon it through chance because it lies beyond the simplicity of the mechanical workings of my mind. As an artist you feel the levels of indoctrination as you try to expand your creativity beyond your percieved boundaries and this is my problem because my thinking has been conditioned by my environment which in turn has limited my ability to think freely in a broad creative way. Though I feel my mind is tuned to respond and recognise interesting visual possibilities, which should help me recognise ways forward when I stumble across them.
I guess the danger is that I may never find what I’m looking for and the search will end up defining my existence, which would be ok as long as I felt that I didn’t shy away from anything. But along the journey there is great growth on a human level and that means a lot too me, because life just becomes more and more interesting through the passage of time. Sharing my thoughts on FB  and on my blog is a fun part of it and makes me feel that there is a relevance to my art and thoughts beyond the great pile of sketch books under my bed.



Totally fucking Jaspered


dealing with my shit1


No matter how much I write I always feel I have more to say, because words are not my forte, I have great difficulty in expressing myself in a structured and articulate way. (which is why I opted for the visual arts)
I wanted to write about how through art you can challenge and confront life and society from a different stand point and how the purity of visual expression knows no bounds. In fact I feel it’s a duty of art to give a different insight into human consciousness by whatever means possible. That is why a rebellious nature and spirit is often an essential ingredient in the context of a wider exploration.
I feel the unbearable restrictions of life within the capitalist model of living where money is our God and motivating force. I’ve lived my life subjected to these meaningless and destructive pressures and remained silent untill recently when I felt my time of compromise had come to an end, through the way I was treated and the lack of respect that came my way from the conceit of moneyed people. I wasn’t very good at capitalism anyway (LOL) I always saw it as a deeply flawed philosophy with dire consequences.

Through my art and experience of life I also feel aware of a growing consciousness in society that “times are a changing” and that people need to stand up and speak out in any way that they can. I sometimes wonder how we as the civilisation can see so much wrong in the world and just let it happen while we are dictated to by an elite powered by nothing more than a financial status. I’ve never been able to understand selfish greed and how individuals can sit on an absolute fortune in their absolute luxury while people are left to freeze on the streets sleeping in doorways. I’ve never aspired to being wealthy and when I see how society looks up to the wealth gatherers it really surprises me, the human values traded for value $$$$
Truth in life and speaking out about my feelings and reality counts for so much, just that feeling of not having to pretend and censor my thoughts for compliance. But even though I’ve stepped out of line I still have to survive by carving out a new niche from where I can operate and live a life with greater meaning and less compromise.

A reason for being is all I’m looking for.

souled out


money makes the world shit



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