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The Artists Identity crisis

January 2, 2014



Last year was one of my best ever as an artist, I just seemed to learn so much about art and life and it made turning 50 bearable. There were harsh lessons too, with art there comes a great responsibility and I feel it’s important to offer something worthwhile. As with all of life, pride usually comes before a fall and art makes no exceptions when you get too big for your boots you know about it and I like that because it keeps your feet on the ground.

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Art is a constantly evolving process and can be truly  rewarding in a meritocratic way, because there is an ongoing development as you forge your way through various concepts, all the time growing on so many human levels. It just feels so soulful as you connect with fundamental aspects of self (and being) in a deeper and deeper way and it’s the fact that there are no definitive answers that keeps the quest going in an open-ended search. Once you lose the fear of failure and possible humiliation from the inevitable errors you become free to explore life and art. I have nothing absolute to communicate through my art, just ideas,thoughts and feelings about lifes magical and mysterious adventure. The true secrets of life remain locked in mystery and perhaps we will only ever glimpse them through the creative expressions of humanity or not, but that search provides a quest for us all to find reasons and meanings for life and being. Personally I quite like mystery because it’s magical and to understand all of life would feel hollow to me, so in my work I don’t try to offer any doctrinal notions of being, instead I offer visual gesture and feeling of my experience and contemplations. I’m unable to make an assumption that I have any great knowledge or answer to anything because like everyone else I’m just an ordinary being, despite the fact that I’m part of an art world that assumes a different order.



My greatest problem in life has always centred around just how ordinary I am, it’s what has hampered my career because I can’t pretend that anything I do is worth anything more than what anyone else does. It’s also been my greatest asset because it has allowed me to realise a genuine artistic expression and earn a belief in myself through a slow and gradual construction of self-esteem. Over the years I’ve watched the rise and fall of many artists and saw the accolades flying left right and centre but they never came my way which not only confirmed my ordinary status but also served to motivate me to a higher artistic level, because I felt that I could be good enough but would have to prove it through my work. Now as I reflect I feel happy with myself as an artist, I feel I’ve reached a high level and I’m extremely well motivated to a point where I can make significant improvements. Now my only ambition is on artistic grounds because I was never able to find a niche or place where I felt comfortable. But what the hell, comfort smacks of slippers dressing gowns and mediocrity, being exposed keeps your wits about you.



While it may appear that I mess about in  a totally random way, there is actually method in my madness, it’s about finding angles and space for new approaches. I can be quite oblique at times which is a defense mechanism in order to protect myself in what are often vulnerable and open searches. Sometimes I get a bit close to the mark on different levels and people remind me about the reality, I appreciate that because it keeps it real. I try to remain a respectful as I can with my work and hope this year to find my way to write more eloquently about what I believe art is and what I’m trying to achieve through my work. 🙂


note to self

One Comment
  1. Now that you realize how valuable the age fifty is and you pouted / stressed away throes precious months and you see fifty one is coming full blast at you, cherish each day OLD is One Hundred !!
    Have a Happy New year, step outside your circle at least half the time and do something really scarey. LIKE LIVE 🙂


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