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Riding Through The Rough

January 6, 2014



In honest moments I have to admit to having lost my way as an artist about 10 years ago. I was knocked off course and seduced by the rewards of money and the allure of a little kudos too, but fortunately for me it led to a period of stasis where I eventually hit the buffers and fell off. My developmental arc had flat lined and my work became part of a continuum as opposed to challenging, experimental and searching. I now know I had to experience this aspect of reality in my journey to get to what I feel is a greater understanding and to broaden my horizons, so that I could open up to a wider spectrum of possibility.  I guess fitting in is all part of a neatly laid (incidental) trap that rounds up free thinking artists looking for adventure and formats them into part of the system. It’s strange because as I look back people made great efforts to shape and channel me into being a more conventional being. It was often through kindness and compassion, they felt that I should be steered into the mainstream, so that I could make a living from my work, there were also others with more cynical motivations. The upshot was, I allowed the pressure to alter my direction and became good at earning money for a while, but it could never last because as the novelty wore off I realised that I had already tasted too much freedom and a life of compromise was too much to bear. Now I feel the need to wrestle to break free so that I can blossom once again with my work. I still feel like a caged man, tied with so many restrictions and though I can almost smell the freedom, I can’t quite reach it yet I know it’s at my fingertips. It has become my goal to liberate myself from this enchainment that dogs my life and find a way to  be and live the life of an artist, the way I always felt was my right. I can’t regret any of my lifes experience because it has taught me many lessons and built my character to a fairly robust level, I still feel I have plenty to say and explore through my work, which I’ve fought to achieve. I’m just not ready to capitulate under the growing pressures, both real and perceived, because I always felt that it was vital that some people should take the risk and live their lives to the full, in the pursuit of making a difference in some way. In Britain I feel we are a nation constrained by an overwhelmingly hierarchical class system that subordinates the masses through implied pressures, with limited options for so-called “success” and this relates directly to my struggle because I don’t want to jump through hoops in choreographed obedience. I’ve watched so many people grow up with great hope and optimism and witnessed it ebb away, eroded through the pressures of society, so that they fit in neatly. In one sense I never wanted to fit in because I never really felt the need but I did become compromised and allowed my dreams to be trodden down into the earth and me with it. But for some reason I always feel there is hope, no matter how bad things are, the gift of life is too precious to throw away through a compromised existence.



  1. we all sell about 89% of our lives before we realize we did not have too 🙂


  2. have fun with experimenting, looking forward to see the work


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