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Riding Along on a Horse Named Bob

March 5, 2014

 

Who the fuck knowsA creative life is a bit of a roller coaster ride and often depends on clarity of thought, so that decisions can be made in the moment based on sound judgments. But there are times when you really can’t see or feel the way forward and you have to trust your intuition and follow the path that appears. My own path altered through a dissatisfaction and an inclination that I was never really at the party when it came to applying my talents to real world situations. In short I was under achieving in every aspect of my life and suffered the immense boredom of  drowning in a sea of mediocrity, I could make sculpture blindfolded if I wanted to, after all the thousands that I have made, but what is the point if I don’t enjoy it and am merely going through  the motions. It was like being dead, robbed of everything I always wanted from my life, when I knew I was capable of far more, but I was a prisoner locked into a world I hated.  I had trusted in my work from an early age and felt it would find a relevance both in the world and to my own existence, I was wrong and in the process became assimilated into a system that runs contrary to all my beliefs. I wasn’t really aware of my situation beyond the feelings of dissatisfaction  and increased lethargy, it felt like my life was over and  all I had, was a dull monotony ahead of me. I still touched on profound ideas and developed my work but was met with a vacuum, I fed the art market and in return I could get enough money to live. In the end I switched off and retreated and it was here that I started to find myself and all the answers to leading a meaningful life. But it’s a gradual recovery and through my work my spirit is once again liberated so that I can pursue my own style of creativity that is challenging and exciting for me.

I look upon it as an awakening that has allowed me to explore a far greater depth of creativity than I had previously and it has in the process unmasked the art world to which I trusted and dedicated my efforts and lifes work. I believe that my understanding of the system is greater than it was and it has made me shift the direction of my work towards a more fundamental form of creativity. So now I make art that I believe in and see this as relevant to myself in the context of my life and something that I’m proud to stand behind, but more than that I view art made in a progressive and forward thinking way as vital to a society so consumed by soulless commerce that we almost face a disconnection. The question of where I go from here is pertinent because I’ve effected the necessary changes in my life and am now emerging with a new direction, I have no outlet or practical means of showing my work beyond here in the virtual world and who knows maybe that will be enough for me. I would still like to make a few large public sculpture so that my work could be accessible on the streets but this may never happen because I refuse to spend my life subordinated to the establishment in whatever form it takes. So for now I’ll work happily and set an example through the application of my creativity into work that I believe in, art that should just be enjoyed for the spirit that it is made in and the integrity which underpins it. To judge it good, bad or indifferent would be hugely subjective and possibly irrelevant, I know that I’m technically sound and my ideas will only communicate with so many people for a whole plethora of reasons. If you look at art through an open mind, you stand a chance of experiencing a true reaction to artistic expression, that is how it makes you feel as you are confronted by it. I can’t make people like my work and I can’t make people support my endeavour, but I can make all the art I like for the reasons that I believe in, because that is what an artist does.

I know that some people worry about me through the way that I express my thoughts here, but as an artist I’m the happiest that I have ever been. My life feels so much more relevant, I write about how I feel and think and I’m finding my way, beyond where I ever dreamed. It’s a great challenge, but ten years in the creative wilderness prepared me for some tough times and I just love it, as an artist I’m alive. I’m aware that I need this challenge to stimulate my development as an artist and to feel all the pressures is all part and parcel of the choices that I made. I’ve made massive progress already and slowly answers to all my questions are unfolding, but I’m patient because this condition lasts a lifetime if you’re lucky.

 

AHorse bridge style

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