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Drawing the Line

March 7, 2014

Think sitter

 

For a long time I’ve been concentrating all my energies into drawing, which has exploded a vast quantity of ideas that have filled my mind, yet at the same time it has depleted my mind somewhat. I’ve touched on some interesting ideas but still feel that I have to go much further, before I start to consolidate and explore what I feel are the most interesting.
Most importantly, the process has freed me up and allowed me to play with great freedom, something that I have always feared, yet curiously been attracted to. With that freedom I can draw what I want, say what I want and discover my possibilities, which both please and disappoint me. Pleased because I have travelled conceptually beyond my preconceived notions and disappointed by the limitations to my growth that I also feel. But the feeling I get from my drawing is one of stability and this approach should allow me to develop much further. Having written this I feel my drawing is improving and my ideas are developing into interesting areas that feel like my truth and I know soon that I will believe in myself again like I used to before the corrosive effects of life eroded my conviction.
I don’t mind the personal struggle and it’s a choice, a choice that I’ve made to live a meaningful life independently and as true as I can. I like knowing who I am and what my potential is, because from that I can take great comfort. I’m not in the rat race, I don’t want to be in it and never have, all I’ve ever craved is the satisfaction of my soul.
Expectations put upon me by others have led to great disappointments and those that judged me harshly for failing to get my work out to a wider audience never really understood what my art was about. I’ve seen many people grow old with great bitterness because of unrealistic expectations and that is not the path that I will be choosing. My choice will be the one I have always lived by, I will make art to the best of my ability and see where it takes me, wether or not it’s accepted in society matters not. My art is all that counts on a personal level, though my children are my true priority, which is why I now live my life by example. 🙂

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