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Feeling like the good old days

March 22, 2014

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I’ve fallen into a pattern of making a few sculptures for exhibitions followed by a retreat into my world of drawing where I’m slowly developing hundreds of new ideas for sculpture. Through drawing I can develop ideas more quickly and also explore a greater amount of possibilities. I’m finding drawing quite addictive now because it’s exciting, dynamic and instant which is in great contrast to sculpture. But most importantly it’s freeing up my thinking and on a conceptual level I feel my art is developing more than at any other stage of my life. It’s been pretty intense for a couple of years now in which I have covered a great deal of territory, making amends for the years of stasis resulting from a constant production line of editions. There’s a level of masochism because my development has arisen through great struggle and hardship that given a choice I would have avoided at all cost. But I now see personal struggle and being a bit of a misfit seem to go hand in hand with creativity realising and perpetuating the old myths. Having said that the joys I’ve experienced over the last few years have been immense on a personal level and in my solitude there is a level of contentment returning to my life. My life is still very much a rocky road and I think it always will be now, but at least I feel strong enough to rise to all the challenges once again and that makes me smile.
My concentration is now much more intense as is my focus and determination, because my life is right here and now and I want to make it worthwhile. When I say worthwhile I mean that I feel at one with who I am and what I do, satisfied that I’m living learning and enjoying my life enough to feel good inside. I lived for too long with discontent to revisit those bad lands of meaninglessness, but they were at least a good life lesson. Now when I struggle to realise my vision or feel crippled by technical weakness I just force myself to go that bit further and when it comes down to it I will do anything to avoid disappointments. I no longer look at other artist with envy because I’m addressing everything that I want in my own work and this is an important gauge for me, because when I’m happy with what I’m doing I’m happy with what everyone else is doing.
Today was another pivotal day for me because I realised through my drawing that the fluency of my creativity is finally back after years of feeling compromised I’m finally back in my zone, my own little world that I inhabit with drawing and sculptures that light up my life and fire my imagination. It feels like my own beautiful world for which I produce everything that I desire for a perfect life. A feeling I first had some thirty years ago when I found my way through sculpture and found a true meaning to my life. A meaning that felt so deep and offered a contentment that I had never experienced before. Today it felt good to be back home and long may it last, because this state of being is where my most meaningful art will materialise.

 

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