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Because that’s the way it is

May 4, 2014

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At the moment I draw every day and each drawing still feels like a test for an idea or a small exploration of an idea. But it never feels like I draw for the sake of it and it’s never easy, which I think is why I enjoy it so much. The challenge is a personal battle in which you confront self, a dialogue that induces a plethora of thoughts.
Because drawing was something that I avoided for about fifteen years, I had adopted one or two naive assumptions about it and assumed people like Picasso could just draw, almost like a gesture without thought, such as a reflex. But I now feel differently, because a drawing clearly defines your thinking and offers a sense of clarity in the representation of thought. As with many of the perceptions I have of life, I’m finding the reality is quite different and so many notions that single out individuals, like the idea of talent. I often wonder about talent, because I believe we all have great potential and it is more about how hard you work and belief in self that can empower us. I battle with myself all the time to try to escape a latent lethargy which stops me from pushing myself to extremes, even though I’ve explored my art with great commitment I know I could have gone further. This is one of the reasons that I run every evening, it has become a symbolic gesture, in which I push myself no matter how I feel, because that is what art requires, a constant effort.

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I used to think there was a promised land, that you went so far along the road and you would be that artist, however the reality is totally different, because you can’t take anything for granted and myths are in fact just myths. Creativity is an exploration into the unknown without certainty or any guarantees, it requires faith and belief in something that is yet to be discovered. But for me the truth is that you only really get out what you put in, I’m not talking about shallow success either I mean TRUE ART. The bench mark for success lies within and it is only available through an undistracted truth, I say this because it is a lesson that I have learned in my own life and from my own mistakes. When it comes to truth in art and truth with self you have to ignore the context of the art world and look at your own gestures in the light of your own humanity and wisdom and there lies all the answers. Beyond the vanity and ego of the constructs of society is where you confront your own truth a place where there is no reassurance beyond what you know. It has been my hardest lesson in life and is built on top of the shattered dreams of folly that were torn down by the logical deconstruction through my inquisitive mind. I always looked for truths and the reassurance of something tangible in my life, something that I could depend upon and was so often disappointed as the constructs that I took for granted tumbled and crashed around me. I don’t want my life to be a game played by the rules of others, I don’t want to jump through hoops, be tamed into compliance or feel duty bound to impress anyone. No I want to further understand my humanity and feel free and unconstrained by the overwhelming dogmas that society imposes.

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There are values in life that go beyond money and the excesses we are taught to aspire to and I’m finding a path to them through my art. For me that is the true beauty and privilege of being an artist because I have these choices. It is also the gift that is offered through looking at art because it offers a windowinto different ways of seeing.

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