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Living Your Life

June 1, 2014

440Self Portrait

Over time I have learned many lessons the hard way and I never realised how deep a commitment art requires. The sheer weight and burden of societal pressures dilute art into a palatable feast, which simply isn’t good enough for an honest  and sincere expression. For six months I have run 5km’s every day which has become an important part of my process, thirty minutes each day where my confrontation with self leads to a level of clarity and renews my determination to produce the art I believe in. I also weight lift and cycle all of which feeds into a new determination to make the final push towards a much broader and inclusive approach.

Yesterday I had a sudden realisation that I have not gone deep enough or had sufficient courage to explore in an open enough way and it demonstrated to myself that I have a long way to go and much work to do. I believe I’ve done a lot which is right such as living a free life without any attachment to institutions or any other satellites of the art world web. I also believe that I’ve pushed myself and my work a long way, it’s just now I need to go a lot further. To use the character that has evolved in my process of survival to push ahead and explore all I have to hand. I’m not looking for balance or to any aesthetic ideals, I’m not even looking as far ahead as a possible response to my work, but more of an open and earthy expression of my perceived reality. By pandering to specific demographics I will lose the delicate thread which binds the whole direction of my work, which is why it is important that I maintain the detached singularity of my existence.

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At one stage I wanted a place in society, to be acknowledged as an artist and recognised for my art, but I came to realise that the cruelty of fate and my virtual abandonment was in fact a gift that nurtured a great depth of character. The character that I needed to become a credible artist in my own eyes and existence, something that deep down inside I was always aware of, but could never articulate it, even to myself. Here lies the intuition and belief that you need to follow your true path, so that you can explore your uniqueness and possibly the fundamental reason for your life.

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The calling or purpose that drives one to follow a direction and give a true meaning or reason to ones life, is an important part of my thinking and I believe that through my art I’m finding what feels like a true purpose to my life. The great physical hardship and struggle to survive heightens the intensity of my experience and holds me in a place where I’m forced to fight for what I believe in and against all the odds I’m coming up with credible expressions of validation. My work is detached from, institution and fiscal value because I feel they are mere distractions, however it has a place in society because it is a true reflection of my life in society.

Over the past ten years I feel like I have ridden through the greatest storm of my life and survived, for a time I became utterly lost, but now I have found myself and the experience is giving me the strength I need. Art quite simply is complex and the life of an artist is challenging to say the least, but it feels real, like an adventurous road trip into the unknown. The incremental evolution of the artist’s mind as the exploration deepens over time is one of the greatest rewards in art, how the spiritual and intellectual approaches are forced to combine to resolve ideas and directions. These enquiries that are forced upon artists can be quite pure and deeply philosophical, they are divorced from the mundanity of the art market and the shallow ego of the showman, to me art is not about showing off and vanity, it’s about discovery. Which is why I hate the bullshit and hype of the art world which has nothing to offer the truth of  art beyond  a distraction to the purpose and direction. The reality of my life means taking a big hit on the material front and in return all I get is deep feeling of satisfaction and a contentment, because I’m living out the life that I believe in.

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