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Destination

August 5, 2014

485

Slowly there is an emergence of a new energy in which ideas are evolving slowly, but it is complicated and a labour of true love, which will take time. There is no quick fix to a lifes work, where sincerity and integrity underpin your actions and where what you seek is a mystery, beyond a small glimmer or vision of hope. Now I feel closer to the state where I feel the beauty of existence and can feel a greater level of unity in my being, where my intention is getting closer to the reality of my creativity. I feel this is dependent on taking one step beyond convention, so that I am no longer enchained by the dogmas of conventional wisdom which seek to control creativity. It takes courage to take that step, because it is a world of great uncertainty and without any guarantees beyond that of self discovery and a deeper level of insight. But really there are no parameters only the feelings within that you are close to the real purpose of your existence and the inclination of truth. It’s far deeper than ego or being liked and popular, which in a sense could lead to greater isolation depending on whether or not there is a universal appeal to the outcome. I’ve only come across one or two people who have taken their work and ideologies to the depths which I’m chasing, so am very much aware of the possible consequences of becoming remote. But this level of study and commitment is a game changer because it is necessary to brush so much aside as an irrelevance. I’m seeking a level of creativity that depends on an honesty within, a realisation of how I unwittingly tricked myself into the  acceptance compromise for shallow gains. The issue that I have is that my life has brought me here in search of a deeper reason for being, I feel that life without a substantial reason is shallow and I’m less able to enjoy the superficiality of ordinary life. I have no choice but to finish my journey according to my intuition and hope that my faith will reward my endeavours with a feeling of inner peace and a level of satisfaction. On a human level my creative enquiries have led to a degree of feeling  deconstructed as I broke through my conditioned expectations, expectations that had guided part of my existence and misdirected my creativity to an extent. So it is my challenge to reconstruct my whole around sound and sustainable principles in which I have belief and I feel that this will lead to the purpose that I’m looking for.

My current thinking has led me to change my outlook away from the notions of high aesthetic ideals and outwardly aspirational societal gestures, to thinking about art more art as a votive offering from a more internal place. A genuine and open response to life through creativity in which you ask questions and offer the knowledge you feel within, so that I can experience the reality of my own life with faith and belief. So whilst I still exhibit and sell some examples of my work in galleries, the reality of my quest exists in my studio and in my sketch books. It is not about proving anything to a broader public but more about self realisation.

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