Realising Possibilities

I feel caught in an incredible dilemma, because my study has led to a wealth of ideas that I would like to explore, but I simply don’t have the time. I feel that I’ve uncovered a vast area of equestrian possibility that  needs to be realised through sculpture and although I’ve reduced my sketching, the ideas are still flowing. Each time I move forward the weight of unmade designs, ideas and concepts become a heavier burden and as I try to work through them even more ideas appear that I feel should be made. The ideas feel so important to me and the frustration from not being able to make them weights heavily. My reality is quite complex and I have to survive through trying circumstances which erode much of my time, sometimes I feel that I may be able to work through these ideas and at other times it appears near to impossible. However I must not be defeatist and rise to the challenge with a positive attitude and keep the faith that has held me locked into my life of art. The passion and sense of urgency is just so strong after all these years that I cannot stem the flow and belief in my work and ideas. It’s a phenomenal energy and driving force that is just there within my life force and if I try to suppress it, then it builds up and explodes out of me in some way or other.

Sculpture for me is the most exciting form of human expression and my passion is such that it overwhelms my life, the sobering reality of finding a place for my work in the world perplexes me but doesn’t stifle my enthusiasm. Sometimes I feel disappointed by the quality of sculpture that is deemed as acceptable in contemporary life and see so many wasted opportunities with much of the bland work that is commissioned. I had hoped when I was younger to produce exciting large public works but was unable to attract any interest which finally led me to retreating into my own magical world of sculpture where I’m free to explore and realise all I choose. When I consider the paths of destiny I wonder if there is a reason for the fate in our journeys and if the whispers from the universe that guide us are what we choose to listen to or not. (When I refer to the whispers of the universe, this is a general term for my reference to the experiences, conversations and interactions that guide us through our intuitive perceptions.) It was down to a personal awakening through conversations and fateful events that I felt a need to embrace the virtual world and start to expose my work and thoughts in an open way. I had felt overlooked, like I had become invisible to the world, which I had and it was through a conversation last week that I became aware  that I may always be overlooked because of the nature of my work. None the less this journey has led me to profound developments in my sculpture and now feels close to an end, four years ago I was lost but that is no longer the case. In part my virtual experience has led to a disappointment in that I have found no place or opportunity to ease my struggle or promote my work and in that sense my reality is unchanged. Perhaps I needed this exposure to find myself before being cast back into the real world, armed with a new sense of belief. Though I now feel exposed through my social networking which brings little back to my own life, words and images cast out into the ether, floating in the virtual clouds of the digital world aimlessly. I feel that soon my words will dry up as I retreat back into my solitary life where in silence I follow my passion and produce what I belive art to be, just like so many artists before me. As an artist all I can do is produce my art and concentrate on my own language, I can’t force it into the world and I no longer wish to. It was necessary for me to experience virtuality because I had lessons to learn in order to quell my  growing sense of mystery about life and art but not for a prolonged period of time. In some ways it’s just confirmed what I already knew and that as always life is about living and art is about life. I don’t need recognition and I no longer need acknowledgement for what I do because I’m happy with where I am, this recent part of my journey has released me from bondage and set me free.

Slowly but surely I’m returning to my natural state of being, working silently in the background from where I will cast a few sculptures quietly into exhibitions. I value my inner peace and the possibility of contentment excites me, in a life without false ambition. I wasnt designed to perform in the rat race because I’m just a simple earthy sculptor fuelled by passion. I hope that as I slowly disappear from the virtual world that I may reappear in the real world and at least ease the day-to-day hardship of survival  by beating away the wolf from my door.