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Why I’ve never sold a single drawing

September 10, 2014

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Drawing has always played a significant role in my life, at first in a negative way because it reflected the lack of confidence within and demonstrated an inhibition that was of a deep psychological nature. My shyness filled me with enough fear to inhibit my process to a point where there was no fluidity, the brittle nature reflected a truth and an inability to express myself with freedom. These feelings led me to draw in a practical way, where I drew functional ideas that explored sculptural possibilities, but I also kept my drawings hidden after they were rejected by one or two of my galleries. I continued to draw periodically out of necessity, usually on a small-scale and developed most of my equestrian sculpture ideas on paper, but as life closed in on me so did my drawings, to a point about seven years ago when I could no longer draw. I was unable to make the marks I wanted, again drawing was reflecting my psychological state, but this time it was different because I’d had enough, so I addressed it once and for all, as I did with all my lifes issues. I knew I had to lift myself out of subordination and into my reality where I could feel free to explore my own existence without compromise, so that my life would mean something to me.

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Now I draw with a greater sense of freedom, my drawings are a personal and intimate exploration of self and not a commodity for the art market, which means I am free to draw as I please, I don’t mind showing them, I know deep down that if I were to market them it would diminish their authenticity. So I protect them as sacred to me and my life, a record of my state of being over a period of thirty years. An organic collection of drawings that I often look through, altering and tweaking at will, because my drawings never feel finished or static. Sometimes when I work on a drawing from thirty years ago I connect with my younger self as my memories come flooding back.

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Eventually my drawing has led to a greater perception of artistic freedom and now I usually draw what ever comes to mind when I pick up a pencil. I still struggle with the process but it’s the welcome struggle of progress and the embracing of  the challenge which fuels growth and development. I feel it’s a strange irony that the drawing which started out as my greatest struggle and least popular pursuit, finally brought me my greatest joy and sense of freedom.  The overcoming of my inhibitions is finally leading me to a place where I feel free artistic expression is possible. It is my hope that one day my mind and body will finally draw with an unfettered fluency like a stream of consciousness, connected and meaningful in the context of my existence.

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So by not selling my drawings, they remain free from external influence, with a function to satisfy my own soul and in this society that is priceless.

 

❤ ❤ ❤

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