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Time to Roll out the Bull

November 2, 2014

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There are some hard lessons to learn in life for the meek, because human nature can be quite base and brutal, you only have to observe the world around you, because it’s everywhere, on every level and walk of life from the school yard to the grave and throughout history too. I’ve learned some huge lessons in my own life and I have to say I’m still shockable to this day, but even more amazed at how I am forced to deal with my own reality and circumstance. Sometimes you have to meet the loaded undercurrent with equal force, because the often disingenuous strand of humanity is pervasive and often engrained into the fabric of being. I sometimes feel that our behaviour is linked to personal ambition which can turn friend into foe and the subsequent posturing within the rat race, that turns our peers into competitors. However there’s nothing like jealousies and rivalries to expose what lies beneath and at the core of our socialized beings. For my own part I freely admit to enjoying my own solitude when working with my art, because I find the influence of others to be a distraction from finding my own way. Because I believe we each have a specific perceptual window into the world, influenced by a confluence of factors, that reflect a specific bias in the moment of time, which makes it difficult to accept the words of advice verbatim.

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In response to the Hard Ball game of life, I feel that if I become a part of it, that it would lessen my ability and objectivity as an artist but to limply accept the often harsh environments, would crush my soul and dilute the beauty of my existence. It is an area of my reality that I choose not to be too specific about in my writing, but it also relates to a fundamental outlook from the essence of my being. My nature was always soft and my sense of empathy has always tortured me as I felt more than I should in relationship to the welfare of others. Yet I was always strong enough to defend my integrity and though I came close to the crushing compromise of a soulless existence, I managed to fight my way back through instinct alone. This experience has taught me so much about humanity, much of which is really quite disappointing, because it exposed and unmasked what is often a thin veil of humanity. To a point where now I feel quite wary about other people and the motivating factors that fuel their approach to life, because as an artist I’m truly exposed and my agenda is set out in my work and my words. My drive is one based on an exploration of becoming as open as possible in order to realise an idealistic vision of sincere art. It is also a lifes work that cannot be sacrificed for the whim of unreasonable expectations from others or for reasons of sentiment and manipulation. As an artist it gets real and you are forced into making choices in order to discover what you have to offer to the world. And it is this strength and courage to make those necessary steps that I have been dealing with of late, steps which feel contrary to my nature but essential to my survival and prosperity. You really have to be strong to explore with sensitivity through an open and vulnerable approach, because you are laid bare in a pursuit without any guarantees and when you fall, there is no one to pick you up, though there may be a chorus of “see we told you” lol.

 

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I feel that I know myself pretty well and I endeavour to play it straight, however I know that what I see in others is based on what they choose to show and vice versa. So I ask myself, can we ever really know another person to any significant depth and is our truth something that is only realised in the solitude of our own existence.  Should we ever really want to truly know beyond what others show us and just accept our individuality and solitary reality. This whole area or question about the nature of being has become of huge significance in my life as I try to explore life to a greater depth through my art. My problem is that in my own social interactions I see the varied perceptions and specificity of an individuality that is the consequence of environmental factors, ie how we posture for our place in society and how far we are able to go, to assume a comfortable or satisfactory role. What drives us and what methods are we willing to employ to achieve our goals and how this influences our window into the world, ultimately defining us in the duality of  both self and how others see us. All these questions result from my approach to art and life as I search for a meaning that correlates with a broader sense of connection that  goes beyond personalities and societal bias. It is something that I feel able to touch upon occasionally with my work, yet unable to articulate it with words. But as I write here and now, I realise that I have so much to learn and so far to travel with my work before I realise what it is that I have to offer through my art and words.

 

catA painting from 1998 (ish)

Bye for now  xxx

3 Comments
  1. Linda Heiny permalink

    A particularly relevant and exceedingly profound essay that moved me deeply. A question that has haunted me throughout my life. Am I the person that I allow others to see? Or am I the person within my most guarded thoughts. And is pure expression of self through art an attainable path? Are we capable of exposing ourselves without “cleaning it up” for others? Can we exist in reality as our true selves, or is that the definition of madness? As usual, your posts opens my soul and intellect toward deeper exploration of reality and truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Linda, I do miss our FB interactions 🙂 There are just so many questions as you outlined in your comment. All I do is try to narrow it down through my constant writing, but it only drags up other questions. In my own life I have always felt disappointed by what I feel is a lack of sincerity and I always look for something genuine, to make life feel real. I desperately want my art to be real and true and that is what I feel that I’m now working towards. I hope you are keeping well, Eoghan x

      Like

  2. Janet R. permalink

    I was also very moved by your writing here (and elsewhere), but what really got a hold of me was the older drawing of what I believe is you with a white cat. I so see myself in it (not a physical resemblance, but some kind of ethereal one that escapes words). It’s particularly interesting to me that you also are intrigued with horses and cats, two seemingly (and that is the key word) different creatures altogether. Yet I can honestly say that I’ve learned more about life from felines and equines than I have from most people. This may seem like a tragic statement, but really, it’s not. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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