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The importance of being unimportant

November 14, 2014

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Today was a strangely beautiful day, I was out again bumping into strangers and everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I felt good and people seemed relaxed and open in my company, which I really like. So despite my circumstances of visiting a hospital for a scan whilst being filled intravenously with a dye and saline solution, I had a great day. The scan was for stinky little kidney stones that have been plaguing me for the past three months, though I must admit that I think they have all passed through now, because I feel back to normal.  The silver lining from feeling under the weather`is that feeling normal is quite fantastic and I almost feel euphoric at the moment.

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scan time

My experiences today brought into focus how ordinary I am, I observed people and heard conversations as others will have heard mine and I felt reassured in the knowledge that I’m just a small part of a huge whole. In my own world I’m the big player and I believe in my life, but the world is big with many people who each offer their contribution to the mix. The reason this train of thought arose is because of all the bullshit and ego in art that elevates ordinary conceptual offerings into huge global phenomena and I used to believe in all that shit. But now as I walk around I feel so grounded that it truly elevates me and I feel this because there is no longer any wool pulled over my eyes. The most important art in the world to me now, is my own art, because that is my life and I’m happy for it. I’m just a little being in a little town, content to work and evolve at my own pace and in my own time, without any ridiculous ambitions of folly.

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It feels great to be in a good place particularly when you’ve had to fight your own demons to get there and it’s definitely been worth the effort. Just to live your life as you see fit and follow your beliefs, or just to find the beliefs and direction that defines who you really are, is pretty awesome. Then finally to have the belief and confidence to just go for it and to live that way, exposed and proud. Now, when I look back I’m aware that I always knew I was coming to this place, which was why I never sold my soul to what I could never believe in and why I always withdrew and shied away from the complacent ambition. Sometimes people may think me to be a little odd from the way I choose to live my life, but the reality is that we are all a little odd as we battle through our lives, trying to empower ourselves in the great tide that sweeps us all along.

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I truly believe that a great artist has to be grounded and fearless in their approach to art and when you see it in the work of an artist you can feel it. I think there are only a few artists that are able to stand up and offer that level of sincerity and commitment and through my own humble journey I have discovered just how difficult it is to explore ones true breadth. Art in fact becomes a fierce personal battle ground in which the conflict and adversity inspires the soul-searching and ultimate desperation that forces you to break the mould and fly into your own kingdom of creativity. I still work with great hope and optimism that I can reach much greater heights as an artist, though there are no guarantees and as long as I feel that I have tried my absolute best, I will not feel disappointed by the outcome of my endeavour.

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In my own life I have already travelled much further with my art in real terms, than I ever imagined I would and in terms of art world success I’ve fallen way behind my expectations. Which highlights the values that are critical to an artist’s life and the confusion of blind ambition over substance, for a true artist there is no room for compromise and that’s a tough ask. Even now I still have to correct the errant thoughts that still creep in to my thinking and which threaten the outcome of my art and I must always remember to be as honest with myself as possible.

650Good Night Beautiful World xxx

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