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The Art of Instinct

March 2, 2015

Hampstead 7- Star Jump

There are times in my life when I really feel the impact of  my evolving art, the one way journey, in which after great struggle I reach a greater height on my own ladder. Though my last few steps have been the hardest, hard because I had to dig myself out of a deep hole that I had slowly dug for myself. It’s all too easy to become disillusioned as an artist in the toxic environment of crass commerciality as the clash of values takes its toll on the idealism that underpins my art. Unfortunately it’s a reality that is pertinent to creativity and one that forces you to make your stance and it does that because benign acceptance simply isn’t a good ingredient for art.

One 1

So as an artist you fight for your beliefs and try to make art that you feel is profound and worthy, you even battle yourself to become free from self deceit and so that you can hold onto your ideals. I unfortunately through my circumstances allowed myself to become beaten down and lost until a few years ago, when through instinct I started fighting my way back. I have clawed my way back to a better position but I still have work to do to open up my world of art and show my work more widely. In a way my world had shut down and I had retreated so deeply, that I simply lost interest in a world which always seemed to reject the ambitions I had for my work, the result being that I existed in my own dark place.

Belief

It feels like my reality was one that necessitated extremes in order for me to be motivated to exploring outside of my comfort zones and I could not have achieved the levels that I’m now achieving,without reaching a great crisis in my life. I needed to be woken up to my deeper levels so that I stopped existing in an unchallenged state. And even now I realise that I still suffer from following a cautious approach, preferring to take comfort in a slowly evolving state of being. Something which I have to address on a daily basis.

trojan1

It was instinct that rescued me from my malaise in which I had fallen into existing well below my possibilities as I gave up the struggle and accepted the beating life had dished out. In one way it’s pathetic but in another way it’s a test and an experience which adds to the wholeness of being, allowing you to understand yourself through the polarities of experience. We’re all deeply flawed and that’s ok, but as an artist the constant self-analysis can lead to levels of self-destructive behaviour and a certain amount of depression as life seems to disempower you through the questioning of your own judgements.

butterflies

My life as an artist has taken me to the edge a few times and I have always fought back through my work and so that I could believe in myself once again, which is where I am now. From here I hope to move forward and hope to show my work more through community based ventures as well as keeping my involvement with the commercial exhibitions where I’m very much established. It’s complicated when you put so much effort into your work and take sculpture to exciting heights and yet still there is no support to help develop the work for public exhibitions or spaces. Something which really struck home on a visit to the Yorkshire Sculpture Park recently, a day which was really quite uninspiring for me and my family, a day in which I realised that my sculpture is worthy of far more than the art world has ever offered me. I realised that I should still push to get my work recognised and more importantly that I should take my sculpture to the next level and just keep on pushing myself. But most importantly I realised that I have the right to believe in myself and my work, far more than I do at the moment.

Equestrian Tumblers

A Few Faves

A Helping Hoof

expectation1❤ ❤ ❤

masquerade

P&0 Ventura Commission

Walking round the sculpture park suddenly reminded me how I always wanted to make exciting sculpture and how I had allowed life to bear down so heavily that I almost forgot the who’s, what’s and why’s of my own identity. I had become so embroiled in my own struggle that it was blinding me and subverting my art at the expense of my happiness with the beautiful gift of life. I think now, that I’ve nearly set myself free and look forward to the fruits of my future endeavours. 🙂

3 Comments
  1. Just concentrate on making that exciting sculpture, the rest will take care of itself. All the best, Annerose

    Liked by 1 person

  2. By the way these sculptures in the photos are pretty exciting…

    Liked by 1 person

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