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Representing Myself in Virtuality

March 28, 2015

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As an artist I have never been able to find anyone that will represent me and my art in a broad way, yes I’ve had representation, but only for narrow strands of my oeuvre. To an extent this has restricted my practice as I searched for inroads into the art world, finally I had no choice but to walk my own walk independently. Now I just accept the few who represent a limited element of my work as I continue to expand on my ART.  Sharing my work on the various blogs and internet sites feels good because I can get my work seen by a few more people and I’m free to show whatever I please. Recently I’ve had to take it upon myself to exhibit my prints and drawings (out in the real world) after many rude encounters with gallery owners who refuse to take any interest in them. It’s a difficult conundrum because commercial galleries are looking for work that fits within an acceptable framework, a format that will sell because it is part of the acceptable trend. Something which as an artist I’m not looking to adhere to, because I have my own ideas about art, the commercial world is a stinky trap for artists and indeed can be a burial ground for true art. The restrictions which I have felt over the years nearly overwhelmed me and stole the joy from my artistic practice as I buckled into conforming to the commodification of art. This restrictive practice that was a great success in the eyes of the world came with a high price tag, the death of the artist, turned into a tool of production, dammed into conveniently making objects to feed the market. Whilst my commodity was authentic, its constant reproduction was soul destroying and repetetive, The truth is I lacked the balls of toughing it out like a Gangsta 🙂 . But not any more, because now I’ll take the hardship and the hits and so that my work can be for real, as I bow out of the rat race more and more. The rats can race but this dawg aint chasing them no more.

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I was lost to this world, my art was dying and the expectations upon me came from many sources, to the point where people lost respect, because I had lost respect for myself and was also lost. It is at this point in my life where I saw what people are like and the lack of compassion from those who take everything for granted and the truth is that you find out, you are really alone in this world despite the illusion of fraternity. What angers me is that I needed this harsh lesson to actually understand the reality of my position in society, I needed to feel the desperation in order to have the courage of my conviction to follow my inner knowledge.  I needed absolute desperation to awaken and assert my will with strength and conviction. You see it’s a tough choice, because it can take away your physical comforts and the protection of those who support you while you are compliant and it dumps you abruptly right on your own at the bottom of a mountain. Reality can be stark when you face up to the truths and so I feel that my art must reflect this uncertainty that offers so much diversity.

507

For so long I was silent and held my thoughts within, keeping my council as I observed life and human behaviour, which is what artists do. I was never truly in the game and I was also never out of it but something always kept me at a distance, because I couldn’t make up my mind and declare an interest in any particular way of living. I knew about art from my background and my knowledge and understanding of sculpture is very deep, I know what works in sculpture and I know what doesn’t. In fact in some ways that knowledge has proved a hinderence because few have it and it served no purpose with the polite conversations in the art world. Eventually I realised that my knowledge was something to keep quiet about and something which I should use in my art to share with the world, which I have done to a limited extent. But those in the art world who’s job it is to expose the art of people like me didn’t do their job and I was abandoned to the commercial world. The issue that I have is that it is the artists who understand art and not the academics who apply pre-prepared theoretical back stories to promote themselves in society. And here I have a massive problem with the system that fucks up art, the pampered  classes of society that don’t touch the real world because they are assimilated into the system. The truth is that this system fucks up lives like mine and robs the world of the art of the artists and that is why I can no longer maintain my silence. You have to suck up to them to get on and I say bollocks to it all, I wont jump through hoops and be their performing monkey. Art as a prop for the twittering classes to twitter about  and yet we just put up with it. We put up with it because we have been neutralised by our conditioning which runs deep as the hierarchy delineates our possibilities through linear constraints. To be a success I would have to become a failiure in my own eyes, because I would have to submit to the system and play the game and art is no game for me.

509

I write my truth because the art world constrained me through implication, yes it was my fault for being naive, shy and vulnerable, but I have since grown to understand the mechanics of the arts industry/establishment.

506

The art industry fails people like me and I would say deprives the world of potentially some of the geatest art that will never be seen, yet in the conceit of contemporary life we assume that all that is good will rise out of the ether. I would say the reality is quite different and probably always has been, but we become so transfixed with what is fed to us that we become blinded to what we perhaps do not understand. I’m refering to the prescriptive living of a society that bombards us with all that we need to know in the light of convenience for the greater good.

508

The more I draw, write and sculpt the more complicated art becomes to me, as I face the constant expansion of possibilities. It seems that I have to work through ideas to move forward and yet in the moment I almost become blind to any form of conclusive objectivity. Because of this, it takes time to reflect and so one seems to slowly edge forward in a vocation that is like climbing an endless ladder. And I think as I get older I realise that each gesture is a mark in time that will be superceded through future gestures. So for me there is no promised land or destination beyond the personal growth of a developing art, locked into the fluidity of an organic process.

512
In society one feels encouraged towards a more finite way of being, which is a natural response to dealing with the complexity of infinity. Because to my way of thinking infinity is out there in all aspects of life, just as every single human being is unique and always will be. And so with art you have the choice to go where there is immeasurable freedom, which can simply blow your mind as you struggle to plot thecourse of your own making. I think it’s really when you cast yourself adrift from the confines of conformist thinking that (or at least it is in my case) your mind is faced with the shock of thinking without externally imposed boundaries. When you choose freedom it can take years to work out and resolve concepts, others may not understand and so you have to be single minded enough to pass through the wilderness clinging onto the belief in your own ideas.

510

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