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Reality Road

May 13, 2015

 

184This is my 500th blog post, it’s both symbolic and significant for me because after a four-year odyssey I’ve reached a moment of satisfactory alignment. I feel the purpose and meaning to my life is finally back after a long period of drifting into inertia. I’m  now able to understand  more fully my negative reactions to personal loss, accepting the subsequent change to my life and because of this I’m able to break free from my past. The mantle of victim is behind me and I feel empowered again to move on in a positive way, to do and be the person I am and to push my work to the edge of reason.

I’m learning to embrace my life experiences and accepting my past as the building blocks of my character, they define me and I know that through my own unique challenges I have become a resourceful artist with a genuine intent. It is genuine because I am unable to accept the compromise of mediocrity and I’m unable to do this because I have seen lives lived without a full resolution of possibility, I’ve seen lives cut short in an instant. For a while I got pretty lost, chewed up, confused and thrown into a state of inertia, cast adrift, but I always felt that this one life is so important and to live it enchained by circumstance is criminal.

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It’s been a momentous struggle for me to get my life back on track, there are no rules to follow and so I just had to find a way forward out of my gloom. Following the faint glimmer of hope that art has always offered me, the undiscovered possibilities and answers to lifes questions. Through my work I followed my intuition on a roller coaster journey of  discovery and free expression, with each piece asking a question and each gesture teaching me something new. Gradually through time I could see with greater clarity and my experiences were awakening me to far greater depths than I ever imagined. It’s bizarre but sometimes you have to be truly broken to unlearn your assumptions and be open to the breadth of possibilities which life holds. I learned that life can close you down into a partially functioning being if you accept the conditions of society and the set of assumptions that conformity demands.

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With my assumptions in tatters and my beliefs eroded through an awakening mind, my perceptions have changed beyond recognition and released me as an artist to a point where I feel anything is possible with my sculpture. Though my art is not about wild and free gestures, but instead an evolution of my possibilities through the freeing up of my mind, a fusion of intellect, spirituality and an acceptance of cosmic possibilities. Nurturing and celebrating the life force within, which I feel is our most precious gift. At the base of all my endeavour lies humanity and through art I feel we can become connected to the purity of our humanity, free from the dogmatic imposition of categorisation. Not defined by gender, creed, colour or religion or any societal narrative or implication, because in the moment when you become truly aware of yourself, it is not labelled or categorised for the convenience of assumption. So as I sit working with clay I feel liberated in a timeless occupation, it is almost like a meditation, totally self-contained in an engagement with the earth and the truest connection which I have experienced. All my lifes energies in one place and all the possibilities if only I can be open to the breadth of my possibilities.

Art can be so profound that it transcends all the rules of society and questions the validity of everything which we hold onto in our lives, it can be so frightening when you realise that your character is based on random assumptions, because you have nothing to hold on to. For instance I have never had a favourite colour or number, simply because I know that it’s an impossibility and yet we define ourselves by what we like or don’t like. I mean what is beauty, beyond a set of assumptions and fashion and here again when I have analysed beauty I always found it to be unquantifiable, I remember years ago making what were apparently ugly heads which in reality were profoundly beautiful to my subjective whim.

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Because of my life lessons through art I have little respect for the hierarchical structures of society, money is meaningless to me and all the trappings of success are nothing more than a burden to freedom. And I feel like this because through my work I feel that I touch on something truly profound, it can’t be bought or traded, because it is experiential, though I can share the results of my endeavours to whom so ever is interested. So whilst this is my success story it is also at the root of why I struggle in the material world as get caught between meaning and meaninglessness and why I can’t be bothered subordinating myself to the self-proclaimed elite who filter and commission art for society. It’s almost like you can’t have it both ways, either you make genuine art or you tailor make it for societal success.

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Society is very much a human construct, a system used to control and condition humanity into compliance, we are held in fear and because of this we are not allowed to explore our true freedoms. Instead we live lives compromised within a framework, governed by laws, rules and expectations, locked into a hierarchical struggle and so conditioned that we even police ourselves. As an artist you have to say fuck it and embrace the anarchy of self rule, because it is the only way you can find your freedom and break free from your conditioning. You also have to keep on your toes so you don’t fall into the traps of conformity as the allure of success engineers your path into the mainstream dogmas. It isn’t an easy task either because you are always challenging and being challenged, because of the subversive nature of questioning assumed absolutes, but art takes you to this place. And this is why art is so important to society because if we just accept everything the way  it is then nothing changes, but if we question and see new possibilities then we are awakened. As an artist one is forced to extremes of thinking in order to be able to see and communicate different perspectives.

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Anyway this blog is a celebration for me and an aknowledgment that I’m starting to understand my position in society (or lack of it) and flourishing as an artist, realising what I set out to achieve and where my intuition has guided me. It hasn’t been easy and I face daily pressures particulary with the expectations from other people, but I’ve gone too far into some very interesting areas and refuse to stop my search and way of life. I don’t feel that I what I’m trying to achieve will ever be understood in a broad sense or that my contribution to art will ever be aknowledged, but I really don’t mind because I love feeling defiant and being cast adrift in my own little sea of freedom. The whole point of my life is not about success in the material world or even wider society, but about the realisation of a genuine creative engagement and a demostration that you can achieve a level of freedom in your own life.

❤ ❤ ❤

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