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The Struggle for freedom and a Monkey

July 2, 2015

I love exploring my thoughts from a life in art through blog writing 🙂

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I believe the practice of art can open a window into the core of being, through an awareness resulting from the continual search for meaning and purpose. In my own personal approach to art I’m looking for something which is meaningful and life defining and that is why I search for a more pure approach to creativity.

My greatest hurdle is overcoming my self-conscious ways and so that I can express myself freely without reservation or inhibition, to write what I want, to draw what I want and to sculpt what I feel. In short I want to discover who I am and be comfortable with being me through living out the realisation of what only I can define as my truth. Sounds easy, but I can feel my inner tension as I work and consider my expressive output with my mind drifting towards possible reactions and the fear of judgement in the social grouping of  a repressive society, of which I’m  as much a part as anyone else.

So as I write and draw and sculpt I try to move forward each day so that I can emancipate myself  and move towards the freedom which will allow a fluency of my creativity. I know I will never really push the boundaries of technique (because I don’t want to) but I really hope to find a balance which will successfully communicate a coherent opinion about life through the universality of creative gestures. This approach is what has moved me to distance myself from the commercial side of art and to distance myself from the implied values, protocols and trends of the art world. I’ve grown to see creativity as a personal reaction to life and not about the social grouping of shared experiential affirmations, for me it’s about having the courage to stand up for a unique set of beliefs. particularly in contemporary society where we celebrate the viral phenomenon regardless of content. So I offer my personal opinion as a part of the whole because I feel all of our gestures count and  so all I can offer is sincerity.

It’s curious but where I am now is a result of the path I’ve trodden, in which I have not only asserted myself, but experienced the passivity of being, subjected to the circumstances of life. As always I have the choice to rest where I am or to push forward into the depths of lifes mystery and I’m afraid that I can’t resist the temptations of discovery and of being challenged to near destruction. I’ve always found life to be utterly amazing and full of possibilities so much so that I’ve never wanted to be fixed to anything or any ways that would make me feel imprisoned or restricted. A life in which you take nothing for granted and avoid the drudgery of routine offers so much, because it is filled with hope and possibility, because there are no absolutes or boundaries. Infinity is all around us and within, so why should I try to define the magic of life with simplistic constructs out of narrow concepts, if it is within my powes to grow.

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I find the creative gesture to be fragile, sensitive and elusive, and I think it’s really something which you can’t hold on to or own because of its ephemeral nature. So in a way creativity comes about through an induced state of consciousness and what you get from the experience has a direct correlation to what you put into it. I noticed this today because I become so zoned into my art that it’s all-consuming and when I step back the relevance of my gestures alters and I have to reassess the relevance of my work. Sometimes I fear withdrawal from the intensity of the creative process which is why I’ve lived at such an intense level for the past four years, but more recently I feel that I may be able to take time out and return without any lasting dilution or erosion of my creative potential. 🙂

The fact is that my judgements as seen in my work feel so specific when I’m zoned in, almost like they are the only way in the moment, even though I’m aware that this intensity is specific to my own needs. Nevertheless it feels absolute in the moment and a contradiction to my beliefs that nothing is absolute, however the passage of time always erodes this specificity and reassure’s me of my falability. Falability in this tenuous life of mine in which I occupy the position of a misfit, reliant on the singularity of self belief as I pursue my passion without support or external validation. 🙂  I find it amusing that I have such a strong belief in all I do  because I will never know about the credibility of my lifes work beyond my own perceptions and feelings of worth.

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I still feel a need to write about art as I continue to unravel myself from the years of confusion that have clouded my vision and compromised my creativity. A confusion which arose from an inability to understand the appropriation of art by the establishment and the subsequent consequences. How art had strayed away from the fundaments of creativity and been drawn into the nets of capitalist dogma as it became institutionalised. Art owned, celebrated and taught with values implied through the sophisticated trappings of societies so developed in specificity, that they were forgetting the raw nature of humanity and the fundamental instincts of being, what for me are the values of truth.

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I feel compelled to articulate what I think art is about and what it can bring to people, how art can deliver so much to society on so many levels. In one sense art may be all we are left with to pull people back from the vacuous life which capitalism is subjecting us to. Though artists may have to fight with their expectations and ego, so they can offer the values of creativity without prejudice and allow art to enter the domain of the masses. To consign the elitist hierarchical nonsense to the past and move forward with inclusivity and bring the challenging beauty of art to all.


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By sharing my work on different art based internet sites I’m able to gauge peer reactions to my work and the work of others, something which I find most intriguing. In fact I’m often surprised by what is the most popular work and I can see why people are drawn to working in ways which encourage popularity. But I feel unable to court popularity and likes, as I pursue a different approach which may appear odd from the outside. I could make beautiful work but I really don’t see the point beyond popularity, particularly when I can choose to make challenging work which defines and depicts truths beyond romantic idealism.

Similarly I don’t choose to opt for pretentious forms of expression which arrive from  what I believe is a slightly arrogant conceit, typifying the notion that all that I do is art because I’m an artist with an ego the size of a planet. It’s a bizarre world we all share and the art world is simply crazy,  yet one must survive the experience and emerge with a vision. It’s taken me thirty years to finally rise from the arduous melee, to know who I am and have the courage to state it and tentatively express myself with freedom.

I now see my art as a slightly discordant gesture so that it can act as a catalyst in the stimulation of fresh thoughts and perspectives, like a slight nudge from a touch of the unexpected or improbable. It’s certainly not work which celebrates an acceptance from a position of comfort and in this way I aim at a form of expression that exposes the vulnerability of being. Exploring uncertainty and the freedoms of an open-minded approach to life. It’s perhaps a good job that I have struggled to exist on a material level because it has kept me on my toes and brought an authenticity to my life, a life without any protection from the fundamental realities of existing. I just love being so ordinary because I see things for what they are and have no reason to justify my actions or life style, because it’s so basic.

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It’s the uncertainty of everything we take for granted which intrigues me and by questioning everything I find the improbable becomes acceptable. I’m often absolutely astonished by what works as a sculpture and I really hope to continue discovering new possibilities. Even though I take my art very seriously I have so much fun with it and my work has always had the power to make people burst out with laughter. Yes the humour is obvious but I also believe the unexpected compositions and proportions can catch people off guard.

Have a beautiful day 🙂

❤ >3 ❤

One Comment
  1. Would love to know more about ‘ Together ‘ which we bought in Kilmorack Gallery’s-are both painters and my husband does very similar work with acrobatic figures

    Like

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