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The values of truth, connection and sincerity

July 23, 2015

 

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It feels like I’ve spent my life weathering the storm, taking a battering in the tumult of this extraordinary life, as I tried to stand up and realise a truth from within. But no sooner than I could almost grasp it, the realities of societal pressures would enforce the compromise which in turn would erode my intent and leave me confused. It has been a life-long battle with values and I’ve gone like a yoyo from being absorbed into a system which I don’t believe in, to a states of partial freedom. I produced art based on the purity of my creative impulse and I produced art that I though people would like and so that I could survive in the material world. I wanted to fit in and yet really I’m in some ways a misfit,which has a stigma associated with it, because it’s about difference and difference is perceived as a threat. Theoretically people are quite magnanimous, but the reality of living “with” yet “apart” from society places a terrible burden on your phsyche and you have to learn to live with a certain amount of discomfort and find comfort in retreat. It’s a life without precedence in many ways and so you have nowhere to turn when the corrosive elements of society attack your soul, all you can do is try to find an inner strength so you can believe  in yourself. I think it’s the generality of society which for the sake of convenience causes so many problems on an individual level of existence.

So at times I become lost and the singularity of my own existence and life’s meaning comes into question, as my beliefs become eroded and washed up on the shoreline, marginalised into meaninglessness. Because this society demands big statements and loud voices if you want to be heard, where bland generalities will get the popular vote, but sincerity and the whispers of a gentle soul will be ignored. It is not a healthy society and contrary to popular belief it is not an even playing field, so as an artist I struggle in a world where those who shout the loudest prevail. It’s an interesting life though and I’m quite happy to continue the way I am as I edge my way to a greater understanding of my context, whilst slowly finding the confidence to realise my primeval connection through the fundaments of creativity.

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Reality is just so mysterious when you question it and very much a variable feast of possibility, in fact it’s so impossible to define, that as a society we become dependent on platitudes to reinforce our generality, terms which essentially mean nothing yet are used as mantras for unquestioning lives. Part of the brain training of conformity, which is fine in many ways of being but not in art or the pursuit of timeless creative connection. It’s kind of funny but my pursuit of truths and connection have eroded so many pillars of (my) perceived wisdom and taught me how little I actually know and that really when it comes to it, you can’t take anything for granted because everything is in a state of flux.

I woke up this morning and realised that I had in some ways crossed my sea of uncertainty and come through the confusion of my own existence. From a life full of contradiction and opposing values I felt for a moment that I’d found a level of peaceful understanding, like I’ve moved to another level . A level of human existence where my values are no longer confused because I understand what art means to me and I’m comfortable with a set of values that define an inner truth of  my actuality.  It’s perhaps a perception of freedom in which I see art as an incidental pathway to wisdom, that through genuine artistic gestures I will realise a deeper understanding of life.

 

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❤ ❤ ❤

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