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The Importance of being an Arty Phucker

August 26, 2015


All my writing is based on the limited experience of my own existence, my struggles within the art world and my coming to terms with the environment and circumstances of my own life. I make art as my gesture to communicate and in return I hear the echoes from the reactions it generates. I observe the world around me and ask those awkward questions, consequentially my thinking leads to some strange conclusions which I write down before moving on with my mind as open as possible.


It’s no wonder that my art and I are growing more turbulent and wild with the passing of time, in what is a fair reaction to my existence and a valid contemporary expression. I was always a little wild and crazy by nature but it pales into insignificance in the shadows of this extraordinary society within which we exist.


I find it amazing, where a diligent and truthful approach to art takes you, or at least where it has taken me. I never in my wildest dreams imagined just how far my vision would deconstruct so much of the world around me. And as time passes through my thoughts, more and more layers are peeling away, exposing the bare bones of my enforced reality. I can feel the direction of civilization and now hold a greater understanding of why humanity is heading in the direction it is. Unfortunately this involves a growing understanding of how and why the prevailing political and cultural trends fly in the face of inclusivity, fairness and compassion, as we the brow beaten masses accept our fate. For many of us that means living our lives counter to our instincts and the assumed common good, torn apart by the incredulous dichotomy of life in society.


Maybe the lucidity and depths of my perceptions are something to do with my pursuit of sculpture and the need to obtain a hold on the complete situation or picture as I isolate a form and try to understand it from every angle, both inside and out. It’s a kind of brain training which is thorough and ruthless in the pursuit of a considerable understanding of possibility in order to express through choice. I believe my sketching is now demonstrating the curiosity of my mind with the unquenchable appetite and need for personal development and understanding. God knows where it will take me and what will unfold in my future, though one thing for sure is that I will be as unprepared as ever, lost in the moment of creative oneness.


I know my life could have been different, but for the choices I made and I know the choices I made have led to a state of being which cannot be satisfied through any means or reward. This is something which I have grown to accept as the price I pay for a life with a continual developmental arc. Because there is no point at which I can say I’ve achieved anything beyond a new stage of developmental growth, if I’m lucky. This place I’m in isn’t easy and my head often hurts from the levels of contemplation I have to go through in order to discover the reasons why I feel like I do.


And as the world economy falls into uncertainty once again I can’t help but smile as the cracks appear. Demonstrating how this model of corruption is used as leverage to manipulate our lives and how we are made to feel like prisoners to the fate of the farcical international stock markets. The very markets which are manipulated by the controlling forces through subterfuge and deceitful guile. But like sheeple we follow the imposed rules, we in fact dare not step out of line and question the veracity of them, because it is enough for us to hold an opinion within the parameters set out for us. We have, after all been brain trained and conditioned into following and falling into line through the mechanisms for social control. But for me there is a stark truth, which is that I don’t give a fuck about money let alone the world economy and I don’t like the way it is used and abused to create the leverage to manipulate the will of the people into bowing down to the god like fiscal force. Even countries are held to ransom by the big international players. It feels like there is nothing we can do as powerless plebs to effect the system and so we watch the poor starve and the world fall into disrepair for the sake of adherence to a financial model. I can’t help but wonder why we are so stupid and divisive when the resources (and I’m not talking about financial resources) are there to ensure that no one need starve and that we can all live a dignified life.


I know my questions are child like, but there is an untainted wisdom in children that always leads to the question WHY? and so when my children ask those difficult questions, I’m at a loss to explain just why the adult world is the way it is. Why people are left to live on the streets, why are people are left to starve, why migrants so desperate to escape tyranny, poverty and war that they risk their lives to escape, why people hunt endangered animals, why do people become enslaved and trafficed. I do feel there is a simple answer which is that we as a species allow the values of our lives to be dictated by money, which then takes a tight control over our thinking. We can pay to hunt a lion, we can sell Elephant Ivory, we can sell shark fins, we can pay for the abuse of the enslaved, because the gathering of money gives us power within the system. So when the governance of a nation becomes dominated by economic concern, we are in real trouble because economics is not based on intuitive compassion and welfare. Instead they are based on figures and the stark reality of fiscal values is quite unpleasant because altruism cannot flourish in this environment.


As I often write when you aspire to be an open and free artist you simply can’t fit into the system, and because of this you see society differently from the outside. You see the busy life fuelled by urgency and greed in a free for all which often achieves nothing beyond the dilution of humanity  in a world blinded by ego and vanity. Yes we make room for compassion and charity but in reality it’s tokenism and so collectively we allow the suffering to continue. Yet we surely all have a choice and I wonder if it is the will of the people to be locked into this way of life in which we disrespect our planet and all who exist on her. It appears so transparent to me now and I’m aware of why I see the rules of commerce as an anathema to art and to humanity. I think I now know why I’m unable to accept these values in an exchange for my integrity. Bluntly speaking, commerce is an insidious stumbling block for the free flow of information and ideas, the elephant in the room.


I believe that I’m getting closer to understanding my circumstance and I hope that I can hold onto these thoughts as I try once again to make inroads into producing art to go out into the world. I do feel that I’ve found the courage to be candid and honest to the point where I can communicate openly and without reservation, something which in the past has both eluded me and silenced my voice. Sound easy now, but it’s been a huge struggle for me to liberate my artistic freedoms to the point where I’m currently at, and I know I have much work to do untill I feel the true freedom in my arm as I try to draw. Yes I’ve learned to be openly awkward  and proud of it too.


Have a beautiful day ❤

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