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The Whole in my Soul

April 16, 2019

A few years ago I became aware that I was unable to express myself without filtering my content and felt imprisoned by  an invisible source. On reflection I believe it concerned the taming of my spirit as my art and raw state of being had to be compromised for the (art)world in which my art was a commodity. I was seen as having a raw talent but it needed to be directed towards a more sanitized commodification. The problem with this was that the compromise was very much the thin end of a wedge which damaged the inspiration behind my work. I the artist felt obliged to be honest and yet I felt separated from my truth. I felt so compromised that I couldn’t even write, sculpt, speak or draw my own truth.

I discovered that there was no space or place for an ordinary and poor person to make art within a wealthy society because one has to achieve an economic status to survive. And so it was that through my adventures I uncovered this problem within, I found myself stuck in a reality which I felt was controlling my life. An actuality that’s possibly a symptom that many people will be aware of through the compromise society imposes upon us, but as an artist you feel it very directly through the process of open expression.

I still remember that unbearable feeling of being held by this invisible force which could only be broken by expressing what I felt was the truth. I know that this may sound a bit precious but as an artist it was compromising my expressions and making my life feel worthless. Because if I as an artist felt unable to express a candid truth I wondered about where in society the confrontation of truth may take place.

There is good news for me because the optimism which stains my soul always prevails in the end, and I did find my way back to authenticity. Now when I write an entry in my blog I write what I feel without fear or expectation, something which I still have to carry forward into my art. My art being an area of my life which I abandoned a year ago in order to resolve my direction.

As an artist I feel I’ve returned to ground zero and am almost ready to begin again, though I really don’t know what will happen. So much has changed in my approach to life and my ability to see through the facade of society feels more intense. However my soulful purpose feels as it always has which is in part a dismissal of society and the social issues which disconnect me from my core humanity.

So as an artist I may just continue to focus on the miraculous mystery of being, of life without logic or rational explanation. A life making art which flies in the face of the current art trends of contextual, conceptual and social commentary. Art which is not about societal art within the western canon of tradition, but art which is about a focus of expression from the whole of the soul. The undiluted expression as an attempt to connect beyond contrived narrative.

Thanks for looking 🙂

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