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See For Yourself

May 27, 2019

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I sometimes wonder if in the fog of life we ever really know who we are, understand how we feel about life and if we ever truly understand others. Just how in the tumult of everyday life do we access our true feelings about planet earth, nature and all that the world offers us, particularly when our lifes are so trapped. And I wonder if it’s important to feel comfortable in the silence of our own existence, with who we think we are in resolving a meaning for our life. Should we feel the need to be defined and driven by an identity or just free to be.

I have to admit that sometimes I don’t really understand anything, which I believe is resultant from my life as an artist exploring creativity. A life of constant questioning in which I’ve struggled to find definitive answers, and when I found tentative answers the curiosity of discovery only stimulated further questioning. And so through the creative process I’ve followed the well worn path of deconstruction followed by reconstruction, in perpetuity. The consequence of this being that the hole you dig becomes deeper over time, removing the constructs of conventional stability.

In life there can’t really be absolute rights or wrongs or even good or bad, because everything is subject to a subjective interpretation and so assumption and acceptance of theoretical probabilities (or possibilities) is all that we can go on. Our human interpretation of existence guided through science, economics, maths, arts, philosophy, religion, language and all the subjects we have evolved in our march towards civilisation. The ways we as humans have tried to explain understand, celebrate, create and destroy the world into which each of us were delivered as innocents. All these disciplines being the way civilization has evolved and consequently influences our ways of seeing and being.

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So the world according to human perception is just one way of seeing and interpreting what is in existence all around us. Taking our five senses and evolving technologies to see beyond our perceptive capabilities. Something that as a curious artist really inspires my imagination to look beyond the obvious into the vastness of possibilities that are invisible to us.

(Because we are social beings that live in groups we are all easily influenced, looking for recognition and acceptance by our peers. So we fall into conventional fashions and indulge in viral behaviours that become affirmations of identity and status. Doing what we are told because we respond to assertive leadership such as the following of religious doctrines and political ideologies. Building an identity as a social construct, shaping our individual piece as part of the great jigsaw of life. Lives governed by the immediate geographical, political, and religious influence. Lives in which we are taught and showed how to be and think)

I believe that seeing and feeling the world through ones own eyes and visceral instinct is much more complicated than it sounds, or at least it is for me. In fact it’s taking a life-time of real and present struggle to understand and decipher the enormity of being a living entity with levels self-determination. Stepping through the illusion of what is taken for granted in an attempt to embrace a more fundamental reality. A reality beyond the cajolement and agitations we are all subjected to as part of our involvement with civilisation. A reality in which my desperation leads to a prevailing isolationist thinking in the search for something of substance.

In many ways my thoughts are like the age old rights of passage which many artists arrive at in their own ways. And they centre around truth, authenticity, connection and meaning, so that when you express yourself there is a fluency. That the marks you make in the moment are true and relevant to who and what you are.

ZN

I’ve never felt a strong need or dependency on other people and though I really enjoy socialising, I do need to spend time in a solitary way. Having the time to think and feel my own actuality so that I have the chance of exploring self-determination. I don’t look to be a follower, instead I attempt to see for myself and interpret what I see with minimum interference. I even remember as a child that it was my instinct not to be part of social groups and gangs because I didn’t enjoy the behavioural impact it had on myself and the people around me.

As I grow older I feel a greater sense of freedom and autonomy which is allowing me to see the world with greater clarity. By deconstructing the pillars of society I can see it as the construct which it is, and this allows me to change and move around with my own thoughts. Because in a life beyond the bullying from society there are other ideologies and ways of being, seeing and doing. Other solutions for humanity and other directions based around entirely different approaches to life.

I just feel we no longer need to be governed by tradition and past precedent, intimidated by classicism and the mausoleums or museums of past human endeavour. Held back from autonomous thinking by the academic institutions who wield their influence and maintain the status quo. A society controlled by the social engineering in which we are all manipulated into compliance. Surely at some point humanity has to break free from the imprisonment of the past to actually move forward with a definitive direction beyond bumbling along and blindly following capitalist ideologies.

In writing this blog I just explore my thoughts in what is a personal quest and I share it as I feel it’s all just a part of my artwork. A great example of freedom for me is feeling able to change, so that I’m not imprisoned by my past decisions. Because I often get it wrong and show poor judgment as most probably does everyone. You see we have to live and learn which is all about making mistakes and challenging the status quo.

Oh and by the way, my spell checker no longer works on wordpress 😦 so there will be quite a few typos.

Thanks for looking and have a great day 😉

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